The Fault in our Nostalgia // Harry Styles

Twenty Eight•

Mariah•
I'm senseless, I can't speak nor move. I can't even open my eyes, I'm soulless.
Where is Harry? Harry? Where are you?
"Harry.." I whimpered, with sore throat and numb voice.
"Harry..." I whimpered yet again, moving my fingers a little bit.
I'm fully aware of my surroundings now, and I'm awake.
It's a been a while, everything is perfectly colored and crisp.
I can see someone entering the room, it's Harry perhaps.
"Harry?" I whispered a bit louder.
"I'm sorry miss, Mr. Styles isn't here, he had gone out few hours ago, he left you a note though. Want me to read it out loud?"
"No thank you, I can read it privately."
"My pleasure, miss."
She nodded and smiled as I returned it, seeing her leaving.
I've opened the letter, it had his perfect hand writing filling the paper.
"Dear Mariah,
I know you're gonna kill me but I want you to know the truth. You see, Hansen is the one who hit you and you know I won't forgive him for what he's done, because of that I'm going to his house to deal with him, I'm sorry and I love you so much, forgive me."
Forgive him?
He's gonna kill him.
He's gonna kill him.
He is going to kill Hansen.
No, I can't let that happen.
Over my dead body, I can't lose Harry no.
Strongly and firmly, I've jumped out of the bed and scurried out of the hospital, I didn't care about anything right now.
I can hear the doctor's yells and screams calling me, I can't go back.
I'm coming Harry, for you, for us.
Harry•
I've prepared the gun, and I've set an appointment with Hansen, likely a "visit", a serial one.
Its time, it's finally time, I'm going to kill him, for my sake and Mariah's, for our moments and secrets, for our kisses and hugs, for our photos and dates, for every hand hold, for every cheek pinch, for every stolen kiss, for everything.
Sometimes I wish she would have sliced me open like a science experiment. At least then I would have a scar to show how painful it is to be put on display for the mere curiosity of another.
Because when I'm crying over the thought of losing her, there are no words to explain what she did to me.
Not even those who witnessed the elegance she used to shatter me can quite understand how I feel.
But I know that my father still remembers the way the sobs shook my shoulders so hard that it's a grand surprise my rib cage is still intact.
I have a name for every scar that she, Emily, Ashley and Zoe were behind. Infatuation is long and thin, rejection is short but deep. She taught me just how much naivety costs, and how much cruelness is worth. She taught me to wait to wait months before counting a blessing and to always remember that pain often comes from the place that you may call home.
She was a cut that never healed, the soft spot that got hit again and again. The broken nose that got a few too many punches. She is a scar tissue upon scar tissue that will never heal. I will never be able to forget her face.
I once had a dream that she slit her wrists as I begged her not to and when I woke up I swear to God all the oxygen from my lungs was gone. My friends told me that she were nothing but trouble but I laughed and told them that she was the only thing that numbed the pain.
There is so much pain in the addiction we form to whatever make us stop hurting.
And I'm addicted to her, to the thought of her, to the thought of loving her.
I arrived Hansen's flat, it's the moment for life.
He welcomed me with sorrowful and regretful smile, I welcomed him with a fake smile, that shit brightened up.
"Come on in,"
"Thanks."
He had a good flat, I can tell he was materialistic for the huge amount of material aspects he had.
"Why did you hurt her?"
"Who?"
"Mariah," I laughed half heartedly.
"Oh, maybe because my possession and obsession that I hold for her? Maybe because I wanted her for me and not anyone else? Maybe I like-"
"Bullshit, you just want her for your pleasure not more, but trust me, Mariah is my mine, my girl, my everything. And she won't ever be yours, not for a filthy animal like you."
"Watch your mouth kid."
"Would a kid do that?"
And directly I pointed the gun towards his face, between tissues of his mouth.
It's over.
"Mariah is mine, and with one click, I'd be done with you, toodle doo."
"Let's not rush mate,"
"I agree, I want to watch you suffer." I smirked, still pointing the gun at him.
I pulled the trigger and I was about to shoot, until the door banged wide open.
It was her, it was Mariah.
"HARRY NO!"
She jumped in front of Hansen, and the bullet flew from the gun, directly to her chest.
She was gone, I killed her.
I killed the love of my life.
I killed the one I've stalked ever since I was a child.
I killed my sanity.
I killed my happiness.
I killed myself.
"MARIAH!" I scurried to her petite body and pulled her to my chest, blood and sobs cleaning the floor.
"Harry.. I- I love you."
"And I love you more, I love you more my dear darling, my beautiful sunshine, I LOVE YOU MORE!"
"I, I'm sorry Harry."
And with that, she closed her eyes.
She left me, her eyelids closed like curtains as her lips parted ways and she turned pale.
Yellowish pale.
I allegedly killed my baby.
Then, I looked at Hansen, shock raveling him.
"ITS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! I FUCKING LOST MY GIRL BECAUSE OF YOU! I LOST MY SANITY I LOST COUNT I LOST MY HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU! CANNOT YOU SEE IT? BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING POSSESSION I LOST MY MIND!"
The symptoms of my illness is out of control.
I'm shaking, tears pouring out my eyes, I'm tearing my head apart, I've killed my life with my own dirty hands.
She was the beautiful legend, my beautiful legend."
"Sir, you're under arrest for alleged murder."
"NO! YOU CANNOT TAKE ME! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM! TAKE HIM! NO I DONT WANT TO LEAVE MARIAH! SHE NEEDS ME! MARIAH BABY TELL THEM YOU NEED ME! MARIAH WAKE UP! DO NOT LET THEM TAKE ME! MARIAH."
They took me away, to the place it all started with.
And it will replay, all over again.
The End.
~~
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