The Fault in our Nostalgia // Harry Styles

Seventeen•

Mariah•
I found out soulmates were a real thing the minute i set my eyes on him. There was lead in my feet, stillness in my being, and an instant familiarity. We were both in our  worlds at that time, so I never told him how I felt. This didnt stop him from figuring it out, though and didnt stop him from developing similar feelings as I'd later find out. We became fantastic friends, even from long distances. He said it first. But he said it too late. I had already started down the road focusing on myself, I will always have that feeling of peace in my body when I think of or speak to him, but also too pain of not following the path when i had the chance. But im happy for that pain. For those lingering, hanging moments between statements. For the pure respect and care we have for one another, and, bittersweetly, knowing that this form of unrequited love is always perfect, because we didn't get the chance to ruin it.
It has been a week since the last hang out we had, and I don't miss him.
I'm not missing him, I'm going insane for him.
But, I have to hold on.
And the problem was, How can i like him so much? When i know the kind of person he used to be, and maybe the same person he still is. When i know the things he's done to people i care about. How come im so ready to give him a chance after the way he fractured me the first time, even though back then I didn't really care. But this time i would, and it scares me the most. But he was  the reason I don't feel broken right now and yet he was the reason my face hurts from smiling so much and he is  the reason im not living letting my life go down. I may not understand it at all, but im down for this, for us. Im willing to handle any fallback that may come as a result of it too, i'm willing to give up whatever i may have to, or do whatever it may take to give us a fair shot. Just to see how it goes, so ill sit here and hope that he maybe feels the same way, and that maybe his feelings for me are real, and that maybe he wont break my heart and that maybe he deserves what im willing to give. I'll hope that i dont lose something important, cause i think im already falling for him.
Actually, I'm not "thinking" that I already fell for him or not, I do love him. It's official, science proved and the mother of nature approved.
When he touches me i die. Im completely, utterly, and profoundly in love with him. I'm lucky to love him. He thinks no one loves him anymore, he doesn't even know im still in love with him. I wish everyone could love him the way i do, if they did they'd understand why the moon shines and the ocean is an ocean and the sky is the sky and why the stars are stars. Everything makes sense with him. I will tell him how i feel someday, i know he doesn't feel the same but he should know how i feel. He wont say no one has ever loved him. I do and i will never feel the same about anyone else and i also wouldnt want to because no one is as captivating as he is.