Dear Diary

Dear Diary 3

Dear Diary,
My mom thinks i'm crazy. You wanna know why ?? Because I said that I think I can live on this world with alot of trouble. She looked shocked. She kept on asking me if I was ok. I mean...don't you want me to live still ?? I guess she wasn't expecting me to give up on trying to kill myself. But that's what she thought.

Don't hate me but, I tried it again. Hang myself. I came home early because of Jayden's beating. It got worst. It's like he's trying to break my bones. And his words were rushing through my head from the moment it slipped pass his lips.

I cut, yeah. 17 new cuts. All on my thigh. All bleeding slightly. All still stinging. But i'm used to it. When the hanging didn't work out (because the rope burst, it was the only one I had left ):) I did all this. I should of just do a big cut on my wrist and let it bleed. But, something stopped me. I didn't know what.

The day went by the same way. When my mom arrived, she asked my why I was home so early. That time, i'd already clean up the blood and took a bathe. I told her I wasn't feeling well. She believed me and went on with her business. Write now, i'm writing to you and listening to a song.

It's called Can I Be Him by James Arthur. He's a really good singer. I love his songs and covers. They're so beautiful. Have I told you that there's a new boy ?? Yes, his name is Adam. When I saw him, something snapped in me but I didn't know what. His name sound awfully familiar though. But there are alot of Adams in the world.

Did I mention that he's cute ?? He's actually cuter than a the boys that I used to date. He smiled at me once. That was in class. I was shocked and my stomach erupted with butterflies. I smiled back though, kinda. Turned out his sit is next to mine. I couldn't concentrate on the work In front of me because he was drawing pictures of cats, raindrops, hearts, the sky and the moon and stars. He was a really good artist.

Do you think that i'm...normal ?
Do you think that I fit in with the other kids ?
A normal kid wouldn't cut himself/herself.
A normal kid would have fit in with the world. He/she would have more than one friends. Or maybe just one.

I don't understand what I do wrong ?
I try to blend in.
I try to start topics with some people but they'll either ignore me or say that they're busy.
But guess what, after what happened today, i'm done with friends.
I'm done with school.
I'm done with Jayden.
And i'm sure as hell done with life.

It's now 1:13 in the morning. And i'm tired asf. I'll go to sleep now. But I promise, when I get up, after school, i'll write for you. Bye (:

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Vote, comment, smile, laugh, cheer, dance !! Do anything because tomorrow will be a VERY big day for me :) anyways, hope you liked that one. Don't forget to vote cause it'll save a puppy's life. Love you guys !! Stay strong, safe and healthy 😁😍😝