Dear Diary

Dear Diary 2

Dear diary,
I'm back. My day went... normal. And by normal I mean :
.Going to school
.See...Jayden
. Gett beat up
. Miss classes to go to the bathroom
. Cry my eyes out
. Wait till the bell ring for after school
. Get home
. Write to you.

It's like a 'to do' list. Cause it happens everyday. And if something changes in it, that means i'd be dead. Either by Jayden's beating or me killing myself. I don't understand how a close and unbreakable friendship, turned out to be so brutal and unbearable.

Well, i'm kinda sick of this things that goes through my life. Can I ask you a question ?

Can I...can I die ??
Can I kill myself ?

I've tried so many times, but always fail. I can't take this pain on earth. If it wants to end me, then all it could do is just LET ME KILL MYSELF SUCCESSFULLY !!

My mother tries to help me get through this, she really tries. I could see the pain in her eyes when she looks at my wrists. She looked like she just wanted to hold me and take away all the pain. But if that could of happen, I would have never had these scars. I'd never be sad. And i'd never be writing this.

I've written poems about suicide, cutting and death. Can I show you one ?

Here's it :

Do you hate me that much that you don't want to talk to me anymore ?
I can't take the pain I feel inside.
I just want someone to tell me it's alright.

You talk about me to your friends as if i'm not around.
You lie, you cheat and you laugh knowing that you got me in a knot.

We were like best friends forever, but that's not what you thought.
I thought you cared about me, but that's all over now.

I said you were there for me, but now you're gone.
The thought about me without you just doesn't seem so right.

Just know I thought i'd always be with you during the fight.
I remember the times we laughed because of what you said.

My vision was all clear, but now everything seems so red.
What i'm telling you now, will always be with me.

The pain I felt when I wrote it, that's the pain you'll never see.

Is it good ?? Do you like it ?? It means alot to me. I'll treasure it forever. There's a drawing I did to. I don't have pictures of it, but I can tell you about it. It shows two boys, the tall one is Jayden, the short one is me. It shows Jayden's back facing me. He had tears rolling down his cheeks. It looked like he was keeping it in but a few still escaped. I was facing his back with my hand out, almost as if I was reaching out to him. I head tears rolling down my cheeks, and my mouth was wide open. It said the words "Please don't leave me." next to it.

Jayden hands were clenched and his face was covered with his hair. He was biting his lip as if wondering if he should leave or not. It was sad, I know, but i'm over it. I think.

Well enough about this, it's dinner time for me. So i'm going downstairs. I'll tell you about my day tomorrow. Bye.

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Was that good ?? Or too sad ?? Hope you liked it :) If you did, give this chapter a vote. It might save a puppy's life :) love you guys !! Don't forget to leave a comment. And stay safe !! 😁😍😝