Begin Again

Chapter IV. To Heartbreaks & Sun Rises

"I love you. "

"I loved you, too, when I thought you did. Now I'm not so sure who I've been with all these months."
___________

"Eeeeyyyy!"

The small glasses were raised again and we all drank the shots once more.

"Alright, my turn, champagne this time."

We all looked at Selena pointedly. "Okay, wait just listen."

We all filled the glasses with champagne and raised them, looking at her again. "To changes and chances, to raising a boy on my own. We don't need men. I've been with Maxie for four years and never did he ask where his dad is. To us!"

"Eeeyy, cheers!" We cheered and drank.

Then it was my turn. I was quiet for a few seconds, trying to come up with something. "Tequila." I first say, and the glasses are filled. That bottle particularly is almost done. "To the honesty that we all deserve, whether it hurts or not. To days without any more dirty laundry, lonely nights, obnoxious snores, stupid jokes and filthy liars. To us!" I cheered, then the girls followed with a few whistles and we swallowed the burning liquid. I put the lemon in my mouth after, cringing at the taste.

"Okay, okay. Umm...whiskey." Martha says and grabs the battle from the front, passing it after spilling in her glass. "To the strong woman in this room right now. We don't need men to make us feel better about ourselves, or make us feel whole. We don't need men to show off and we don't need them to make us feel special. Fuck men, we only need ourselves and the people who actually love us. To us and strong friendships!"

"Yeeees!"

We've been doing this for the past hour, venting out emotions, and drinking on it. It turned out that I wasn't the only with some love life issues. We all had some things to speak out.

"Yikes, me again. Okay uh...I'm feeling whiskey too."

We fill our glasses.

"Okay." Cara sighs. "To never letting someone control our lives. To never having to put up with bullshit and pushing it out of our lives. To standing up for ourselves. To being here for each other when we need it. To being strong willed and leaving the past in the past." She raises her cup high. "To us!"

I smiled at that. "To us." I whispered and drank the shot.

Silence fell down on us after. I think we all are drunk by this point, and I'm grateful for their presence. I didn't want to wallow in my misery any longer.

Now that I think of that again, tears burst into my eyes, burning them. I sniff and wipe them away.

"Who wants to light a fire outside and lie down there?" Cara suddenly suggests.

We agree, either verbally or with nods, and we stand up to our feet clumsily. Karlie leads the way out of the living room, Selena after her, then Cara, Martha and I go last, closing the door.

"We'll get everything, you all go ahead," Martha tells everyone as they go out the back door to the lake, and drags me in the hallway. "Heeeeey." She grins at me as she places her arm around my shoulders.

"Hi." I let a small smile slip.

"How are you?"

"Good, how are you?"

"Shit. Absolute shit. And I want to throw up, but I can't. "

I hum as we enter the kitchen and I get the matches for the fire. Martha grabs some drinks -non alcohol- and puts them on a tray with snacks.