Destroying Myself (Myself #3)

7. Leave me Alone

She was laying on the bed, book in her hand and reading glasses rested on the top of her nose. She didn't bother to lift her head and welcome me. Seeing her behavior, I slapped her ankle, and in return, she chuckled and slammed her book closed.

"How many times do I need to tell you to knock?" She shifted a little, making space for me. Taking her pink teddy bear from the floor, I laid down next to her and embraced the teddy to my chest.

Putting her weight on the right elbow, she peered at me, questioning through her eyes. My eyes bore into her, wondering from where to start and pour my heart out to her like always. I had no idea from where to badmouth about Kabir to her, knowing she would side him like always. I could have gone to Sanchi or Radhika, but Sanchi worked all day, and her nights were busy with Dhruv and Ria. As per for Radhika, she wouldn't understand me the way Alina did.

Breaking our eye contact, I passed my gaze around her room, taking in the floor to ceiling book shelves, pictures adorning the adjacent wall, clothes thrown on the floor, pills bottle smashed to the ground and razors sitting at one corner of the room.

Alarmed, I skidded my gaze to her, but she shook her head and waved her wrist to me. No sign of new cut, only long forgotten faded lines with the scars of the accident that almost took her from me—all of us.

"Do you ever felt angry on Kabir?" I mumbled, stretching the loose thread of my shirt.

"Mostly."

Licking my lips, I looked at the star stickers pasted on the ceiling and switched off the lights to enjoy the glow of them, and little by little chanted all the details of the fight to her. At one point, emotions clogged my throat, but I swallowed it and moved my lips to get the truth and weight out of my heart. As always, she didn't say anything, but nodded her head, letting me know she was listening and trying to understand me.

When it was ended, strands of tear were marking my face and my fingers were digging into the soft fur of the teddy. I waited for her to continue, and defend Kabir like always. Act like his lawyer and tell me where I went wrong, but what she said next made me hitch my breath.

"How was the graveyard?" Her eyes didn't turn from the glowing stars.

"How did--"

She chuckled under her breath. "I'm your best friend since school and now I'm post graduated."

Then why do I sometimes feel that you stuck to Kabir, not me? Then why I hate it whenever Kabir spends time with you, not me? And how much this situation can fuck up?

"You should've slapped him, you know." Her words were as serious as her face. "No matter how much tough business is, he shouldn't have called you a burden. That's not an excuse."

Warmth filled my heart. How easily she solved every conflict of my heart and gave me a rational answer.

"But--" And all the warmth was replaced by the coldness. "You need to see his side too. Kabir--"

I didn't let her complete her sentence and interrupted, "Don't." I wasn't ready to hear any of Kabir excuses.

With a grim face, she nodded but soon it was superseded by a mischievous smile. "You didn't tell me anything about your boyfriend." Excitement dripped down her voice.

Groaning, I pushed my face into the pillow, clenching to avoid the conversation on him but how wrong I was. It was Alina and she wasn't as innocent as I used to thought.

"No, please no," I whined.

She pushed my shoulders and waggled her finger in front of me. "We can talk now and here. How this happened?"