Written On The Stars!! (#The2017 Awards)

Chapter 18: Out of Sight, but not mind

 

Exactly one year after Sam's departure

"Neil....Niel, please?"

"No..i isn't in mood tonight, go to sleep..."

Manya was pulling at my t-shirt trying to get it off me, but I kept rolling away from her. The only thing she ever thought about was sex. But now I wasn't in mood.

"Neil......" she yelled

"Damn it, Manya...Go to sleep or I will go to my home....I am tired and I am not in mood Goddamn it...."

She looked a little annoyed and tried to pull me at herself but I moved away from her and I guess finally she got the clue that I wasn't in mood to messed with atleast..not tonight....i had too much things in my mind none of them of spending night with Manya. But my thoughts were occupied by other girl..who was once used to part of my life...

Sifting my arm around pillow and wrapping it close to my chest, I thought about everything was going in my life and how different it was now that Samaira Khanna had walked out of my life. Even thinking of her name made my heart hurt deep.i couldn't expressed how I missed her presence in my life.

The night after her departure, I tried to bury myself in my sorrows. I went to Manya and tried to forget all. I let her take over my life, even with me doing that, I felt dirty. I disgust myself. My family hated me, since there was no Sam to hold balance in my life I threw myself into Manya's life and in turn I lost most valued thing..My family..and Sam....

My family had never forgiven me for what happened with Sam. I still kick myself over and over again. I have tried numerous times to tell them that It was only misunderstanding but they never listened to me. They keep telling me that Sam was women ten times better than Manya would ever be.

Manya constantly asked me that why my family hates her so much I can never tell her. how do you tell your girlfriend that they hate you because of another girl they thought would be better for me? I knew if I tell manya about sam she would try to pull me away from my family. And I really don't want to lose the more what I had already.

The only people that would talk to me were my father, Sid and Arjun but that was also limited when women in their lives weren't around. My Mom never really looked at me anymore. She would speak when it necessary if she could avoid, she would. Nandini's behavior towards me totally changed since Sam's departure..her eyes were so cold and unforgiving and she never stays in same room when I was there. Radz always glares at me she know stuff about Sam but she never tells me. It was so frustrating. I wanted to ask so many questions about Sam, if she was happy there, but I knew there was no point. I heard Radz talking to her on the phone and I heard her asking promise from Radz to never tell me about her anything.

I knew my family was angry on me as I never tried contacting Sam..I had my reasons...everytime I scrolls my contact list and stares her name, never getting enough courage to push the button to call her. I ask myself why I so afraid to call woman who was unbreakable part of my life. I knew if I called she might get angry and call it off for all at once..i never ever ready to lose her forever..i know she would return in my life...so I choose to be a coward and not call at all. I hope she will come after sometimes and will give me chance to fix everything.

The fact that I truly missed her..somtimes miss wasn't the word that I could describe my feelings about it, but I covered it most of the time. There so no point in denying that I missed her humor, her laughter when we did crazy things.Sam was major part of my universe, I never imagined my life without her...and by leaving me she hurt me , she could ever imagine. Plus I could not ever imagine how much she hates me,and I deserved that. It was just irritating to know that I didn't get a chance to say or make up all the things.