Apartment No.4

Part 14: Vulnerable State of Mind

After finally finding his flat, I opened the door to a studio apartment with a small kitchen and a couch I could crash on.

How did I get here? How did Mason meeting Lucas become such a big curfuffle? There had to be something neither of them were telling me, between that and Cameron telling me to lay off... I dont know.

I flicked through channels before settling on an episode of Bewitched, one of the earlier ones with the original Darren's.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to see seven messages. One from Dad checking in on me, one from Mel asking if I'd found Cams and five from Lucas.

Groaning, I just shut off my phone and threw it into my bag.
The Tv continued to play even though I wasn't really watching it, I just sat there biting my nails and thinking of what to say to Lucas.

He was lovely, a true gentleman but I didn't feel the way he felt. When I was with him I felt happy, content and just all round like he wanted me there. But when I'm with Mason, it's exciting and like I'm stepping out of my comfort zone, and I enjoyed it!

The rumble of my stomach brought me out of my daze and I looked outside to see it was already dark. Rummaging through my bag I found my phone and ordered a pizza, ignoring the dozen messages.

If I didn't do my homework while I had peace and silence I didn't know when I'd be able to. So, pulling my folder and pencil case out, I managed to get fifteen minutes of solid study in before I heard the lock on the door shift.

"Cam buddy, I've messed up real bad." Mason was closing the door behind him and hadn't seen me.

I sat still, eyes wide staring at him waiting for his reaction when he saw me sitting at the tiny dinner table, butterflies in my stomach.

He looked up as he walked towards me and stopped dead in his tracks.
We stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds.

"You're... um, why are you here?" He asked, scratching the back of his neck, his cheeks become a little pink.

"Well, I didn't exactly have a place to stay so Cam let me crash here." I kept my voice monotone and disinterested, so he knew that I was still angry.

He didn't move from his place, just pulled his lip in between his teeth and sighing.

"Okay. Do you know where he is?"

"Staying at Mel's." I said, returning my attention to my lit paper.

"Okay. See ya." I snapped my head up and stared at him incredulously. 'Okay. See ya.'? Was he serious?

"Are you serious?" I replied, continuing my thought process.

He turned around looking confused.

"Well yeah, I came to Cam and he's not here. So, I'm gonna go."

"You don't have anything to say? Nothing about what happened this morning?" I asked, getting up from my seat and walking closer to him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Actually heaps but you won't understand."

"I won't understand, or you don't want to tell me?" I retorted, venom clear in my voice.

"A bit of both." He spat back.

"You're so confusing! You say we can't be friends, then you kiss me, then you leave, then you send me signals that you actually want me! Now, the only guy friend I have made you hate? I think you're jealous, Mason." I couldn't stop my ranting, my hands flying around the space between us.

"Jealous!? Are you serious?" He laughed, his hands clutching his stomach as though it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

"Perfectly serious." I retorted.

"Oh sweetheart, I don't get jealous." He made his way for the door but I jumped in front of him, putting my hand on his chest.

"Mason, I don't understand any of this! Who cares if I date Lucas?"

"I do! You shouldn't be with him!" He raised his voice but I didn't care.

"Why? Who should I be with?" My voice grew to the level of his as he stared down at me, and even though I was much shorter than him I felt tall and strong.

"You should be with... you shouldn't be with Lucas." He gritted his name out between his teeth.

Obviously Lucas caused Mason to be so angry but why? Did they have a past?

If Mason felt something for me why couldn't he just say it? If he needed a push I would willingly give if to him but I needed to know if he did.

We stared each other down for a moment longer before I gave in. I sighed and walked away from him, my eyes watching the floor and slumped onto the couch facing the window.. I could almost feel his eyes on the back of my head.

"I like him, I really do... but if I can't be with you then I'm going to be with him." I whispered just loud enough to fill the tiny room and for him to hear. I didn't know if this was entirely true but I knew it was true at least. Ever since I'd met Lucas I'd been comparing him to Mason, and even though there was nothing between Mason and myself, I still liked to think there was.

I heard Masons soft footsteps come close towards me and closed my eyes so I didn't have to see his face as he sank down beside me on the couch.

"I wish I could give myself to you, but I can't. I don't know how." He said, his voice defeated and vulnerable.

I raised my eyes to see his face and frowned.

"I don't think that's true. I think you don't trust yourself, you won't allow yourself to become close to anyone." I leaned forward and put my hand on his knee. "And there's something stopping you from doing that."