How it Ended

How you get to the point.

[ TUCKERS POV ]

   I open my eyes Slowly.

I feel the warm body next to me, her heat beating along with mine in a rhythm of ecstasy and dreams . My hand moves and I reach for her hand, unconsciously .

I close my eyes and try to stay there for a moment longer. I knew when I got up what was going to happened.  What was in store for me. 

  It happened every morning.

 I wasn’t stalling for comfort. Or for love.  No. I gave up those rights a long time ago, when one girl took my heart in a jar and shattered it along with me.

 The girl next to me groans and I try to remember her name. Rachelle ? I frown. No, Rachelle was the red head. I look over at the girl and see blond streaked hair, straight and messy.
 

Holly.

The name comes back to me like a light guiding me to heaven and I watch with half closed lids as the girl turns over and looks up at me in between the stands of her hair.

 The girl was hot. But ... she was just another girl In my bed, the one thing I could always count on. There were so many that I lost count over the past years. To me, they all had the same smiles, same laughs, same hair, same everything. I was on this spinless loop of  kisses and moans, beer and early mornings. 

For once I wanted to wake up alone. 

She smiles a sleepy smile up at me sweetly but I don’t return it. I don’t pretend to treat a girl nice, then rip away everything like a raw band aid. She and I both knew why she was here, and I couldn’t let her or me forget that.

I might be alot of thing, more bad than good, but I wasn't some heartless bastard. 
 

She see’s my face and she sighs and rolls over on her stomach. She pushes her hair from her and sits her hand on her open palm, regarding me slightly, as if I was some mysterious painting.

  "Tucker. " Her mouth works my name like it's some goddamn revaluation. "You know, I’ve met boys like you. They want one thing, get it, then leave. I could see it from the way you looked at me in the bar."

I sigh heavily and reach over for a cigarette that rested on my night stand. I grab it and put it in between my lips, my hands shaking a little. I try to flick the lighter but it seems harder than it actually looked. 

My hands always seemed to shake from nerves lately.

"And still you came." I state bluntlyas I lift my head back till it hits the wall behind me and blow out the smoke, it making little swindles in the morning sun.

The girl nods her head sadly.

"It looks that way." 

I would tell her it looked like a lot of things, but I don't bother. Instead, I bring the cigarette make to my lips and draw in a deep breath, my silence confirming what she already knows. 

She rolls over and I watch with mild interest as she starts to zip up her jeans and throw back on her blue bra. I bring the cigarette to my lips yet again, take a deep breath, and close my eyes.

I didn’t want to be a dick. I wish I could have treated her with respect. I wish I could have gave something to look forward too. I wish I could have treated her better, with kindness.

  I just didn’t know what any of  that was anymore.

     The girl reaches down and grabs her purse, thrusting it on her shoulder harder than I would have intended her too. She goes to the mirror and starts to finger her messy hair as I jsut stay there.