Why? || Kim Taehyung

30

"Is she okay? What happened?"

"It's my fault, sorry,"

I slowly opened my eyes and instantly squinted due to the brightness of the light above me.

"Jiwoo! Are you okay?" I heard Jimin's voice as I sat up slowly.

"Yeah," I said in a weak tone.

When I finally fully regained consciousness, I looked around and saw myself back in the funeral room. Yoongi oppa and Taehyung stood by the doorway with serious faces plastered on them as if they were having a serious conversation. Jimin was kneeling down next to me with a worried expression along with the other guys whom were doing to same except with a little bit more of a distance in between.

"Thank goodness you were only out for only a short period of time... Would you like a cup of water?" Jin oppa handed me a glass of water which I took from him gladly. I thanked him weakly before taking a sip from it.

All our attentions went to my cousin when he emitted a loud sigh as he tapped Taehyung's shoulder and beckoned him to follow him outside with his finger. Taehyung and I locked our gazes for a split second before he turned away and followed the latter.

An awkward silence followed after and the four boys returned their gazes onto me once again. I coughed lightly and stood up from my spot, startling everyone.

"I'm just going to visit someone here, if Yoongi oppa comes back just tell him that," I told them, heading out of the room.

***

I walked along the various gravestones that were accompanied by many different flowers and sighed.

I haven't gave them one since Jungkook passed.

Arriving at the two gravestones alongside with each other, I was surprised to see a pair of roses on both of their stones. I licked my dry lips and let out a puff of smoke into the air before letting out a small smile.

"Eomma... Appa..."

I placed the white lilies onto my parents' gravestones and sat down in front, pulling my knees up. The last time I had visited them was on Jungkook's funeral day. That day was pretty much disastrous– I was a crying mess, and then passed out after a pretty big flashback. Well that's what Yoongi oppa had told me, I never remembered what happened when flashbacks happened.

"I'm sorry for not visiting," I whispered. "I was scared, scared that I'd get flashbacks again since Jungkook's not here anymore," my eyes instantly teared up at the mention of my brother.

I hastily wiped the tear that had escaped with the back of my hand, and sniffled. "I hope you guys are happy, and I hope Jungkookie is with you too," I tried to force a smile but instead a wrenched sob escaped my mouth. "Ahh I'm sorry, I wanted to show you that I was happy, but I guess I can't," I mumbled as I pressed the heels of my palms onto my eyes.

"Oh yeah, and guess what Eomma, I heard your voice in a lucid dream I had a while ago. You woke me up from a nightmare, thank you. There's so much going on right now and I'm the most oblivious one out of everyone. Why? Is it because J-Jungkook suicided because of it?"

I swallowed the painful knot in my throat as I dried the rest of my tears up, forcing the rest in. "I'll go visit Jungkookie now, I promise to visit more often,"

I stood up, brushing the dirt off my skirt and then headed to my brother's gravestone which was a few columns away from my parents. Again, there was a fresh rose on top of his just how like my parents' gravestones did.