we don't talk anymore

gone.

4 days.

ashley was the first person to come over. she brought jenna and we all sat down on the couch together; josh and i next to each other, jenna next to me and ashley next to josh.

brendon walks in with pete and patrick and mark comes in minutes later. brendon places a box full of beer on the table and hayley walks in lastly, holding the other box and sets it on the floor.

"where's your mom?" i ask josh.

"at my grandma's for the night." he explains with apprehension. he grabs my hand and holds it, placing kisses all over my knuckles. usually our friends would make fun of us, but it's a sad night that's supposed to be happy, and no one wants anyone more upset than they should be.

brendon is the first to down a bottle of beer, ashley finishing not long after. before we know it, half of us are drunk off our asses. the only reason me, mark, and jenna aren't is because they have to drive to home and i have to clean up.

"man, i'm soo wasted! i love you tyler!" josh sings to me. everyone laughs and lets out an 'aw!'. i just smile and shake my head. josh grabs me and pulls me off the couch, placing a sloppy kiss to my lips and forcing me to dance with him to the nonexistent music playing in the background.

"i love you so much tyler. i don't want to leave you here alone, brendon better take care of you." josh tells me, tears in his eyes. i giggle at him and how his words are slurred even though they're meant to be serious.

"i love you too. brendon will take care of me-"

"fuck yeah i will!" brendon shouts, earning a laugh from everyone. ashley lights a blunt and smokes it, passing it down. only her, pete, and brendon smoke it. josh and i just watch from afar while jenna shakes her head at them.

in this moment, i realize how thankful for everything i have, i really am. i have josh, even just for a few days now, and amazing friends who make bad choices but always will have my back.

we all laugh and dance and scream at the top of our lungs, we forget josh is leaving in less than 4 days, we forget about school and how young we are, we forget about responsibilities and the consequences to come if we get caught. we forget about anything important that could hurt us in the future, but it doesn't matter. we're in bliss. we're in the moment, and we don't want it to end.

2 days.

josh is all packed and ready to leave. he spends the night at my house, and we cuddle and watch cheesy movies and laugh at the events that happened just 48 hours ago. we forget about what's happening in the days to come and pretend nothing bad is happening and we have no where to be. we pretend he's not moving away from me, we pretend i'm not depressed, we pretend we're world famous musicians that are adored by many, we pretend we're not just teenagers living in our small, naive world.

3 hours.

josh and i sit in his empty bedroom on the cold wooden floor across from each other. we have our hands locked together and we talk about what we plan to do when he comes to visit. josh and i realized it wouldn't work long distance, but we'll try. we both have our doubts, but i'm gonna try hard to keep him mine and avoid letting him go.

2 hours.

his mom called us down, saying we need to pack the moving truck and car. i cried on his stuff and apologized. his mom gave me a hug and said he'll be back soon. i hope she isn't lying.

30 minutes.

josh has his back against the car door and i'm against his chest, listening to his heart beat. i cry in his arms and he tells me it's okay. he tries to be strong, but i hear him sniffle and i feel his tears land on the top of my head.

5 minutes.

josh plants a long and passionate kiss on my lips. i run my fingers through his hair one last time. it faded to a very light pink and it's all dry. his eyes are bloodshot and he has large, dark purple bags under his small eyes. he looks at me for a moment and breaks down into sobs, pulling me into his chest and holding me as though he'll never let go. but in minutes he will, and he'll be gone. and i won't get him back, i know it.

45 seconds.

i've lost sense of time. it seems like an hour ago he just broke the news to me, and here he is crying in front of me. i kiss him, slowly and take in everything that's happening. the moving truck starts and drives down the long road. his mom calls his name and he pulls away.

"i'm coming to visit, okay? i'm not going very far. just a couple of states away." he says, trying to reassure me but it doesn't work. he gets in the car and looks at me one last time.

i wave to him, not bothering to wipe away the tears. he waves back and i see his car turn and his mother look at me with a sympathetic glance. she drives away, agonizingly slow.

"bye, josh." i whisper to myself. i sob in the middle of the driveway, his driveway.