In the Hour of Silence

Why I've Been Gone

Uh, hey guys.

This is really hard for me to tell you guys and I wouldn't normally tell you this, but I've been told it would help to let it all out to people who are close to me; and, well, you guys are my family now. So, I'm just gonna come out and saying it.

I was sexually assaulted.

So, um, it happened on November 13th. My brother came home from college with his roommate for the weekend and his roommate was staying with us because his parents didn't have any room. I'd met him a few times and he'd creeped me out for some reason that I didn't understand.

It was their second night here and I went up to bed early. Of course, because of my insomnia, I was up well after midnight. He came into my room a little after 1:00 and started making this really awkward conversation. When he came over to my bed I started to move but he said he just wanted me to explain my organization system for my bookshelf by my bed to him (sorted by author and date of publication). I felt really creeped out as I explained it to him and I wanted to move away but he held my arm to keep me in place. Then he started to force himself on me and I couldn't fight him off because he's fricken 6'0 and I'm 5'4.

I tried to tell him to stop so many times but it was like my voice was gone. I couldn't speak, couldn't fight back, and couldn't feel anything really. I just felt really empty.

I didn't want to say anything, but I didn't want to let him go free so I told my mom. She then called the police and they arrested my brother's roommate. My brother was furious when he found out what happened and may have broken his now ex roommate's nose.

Ever since that night I've been in therapy. I don't want people touching me or looking at me like I'm gonna break or telling me it's okay if I don't want to go back to school or talking about it like it's the worst thing in the world. Like I said before, I didn't want to write this. I just wanted to blame my absence on writer's block and move past it to normal life; but my therapist thought it would be a good idea to get it off my chest.

And now, I don't really no what else to say.

Bye booknerds.
Bella