In the Hour of Silence

Chapter 9

Clary POV

"Let's talk about the night terrors," Doctor Branwell probes. "It says here you've been getting them ever since you were ten."

That's right.

"And what are they about?"

Why does this matter?

"Night terrors often spawn from the root of the problem. They present to you the source of the problem while masking it at the same time," she clarifies.

I sigh before I start to type. Now, you may be wondering why I'm even talking at this when I vowed not to. Truth be told, it's been three months since that first time when I came here and got wasted afterwards. After she held me an hour after our session ended because I didn't talk at all, I realized it would be better just to get it over with. I even developed a routine. I come here, go straight to the Lightwood's house, and we drink a bit as to have a little fun.

It's always centered around the night my parents and brother were killed. That's how it's always been.

"Well, that's no surprise." The timer for our appointment goes off and she sighs. "Okay, I want you to think, for next week, about what every single night terror has centered around besides your family's death."

Nodding, I say my goodbye and leave for the Lightwood's house.

When I get there I'm greeted by a hug from Iz and a glass of whiskey handed to me. To say my tolerance has gone up is an understatement. The last time Iz and I had a rager, I could actually remember it and the headache was minor.

What's on tonight's agenda? I ask as I down the burning alcohol.

"Truth or Dare. At least, that's what's on the agenda when Jace gets home in twenty minutes," Alec says from where he and Magnus are sitting together on the couch.

Who's he with tonight? Kaelie, Seelie, or someone new? Jace reverted to his ways of sleeping around after maybe a week. Doesn't affect me, really. I've known he's a player from the start. Plus, I'm starting to get a small crush on this kid in my biology class named Sebastian. Jace is just a good friend.

"Kaelie, I think," Iz says.

"How touching. You guys are keeping track of my 'lovers'"

We all turn to see Jace standing in the entrance to the living room. His hair is messy and he has his signature smirk on his face.

"I thought you weren't gonna be home for a bit," Alec says.

Jace shrugs slightly. "I got bored." He claps his hands together as he says, "Now let's play some Truth or Dare and strip down." Even I laugh at that one and all take seats around the room. I quickly pour myself a mixture of Arizona Iced Green Tea and gin before sitting on the couch with only a pillow between Jace and me.

Isabelle hands Jace a bourbon before she sits on a chair and says, "Okay, Alec, truth or dare?"

"Truth," Alec says.

"Chicken!" Jace yells causing us all to laugh and Alec to glare.

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" Iz asks as she wiggles her eyebrows at her older brother--who is turning as red as a tomato. He promptly pulls his jacket off and we all laugh, Isabelle to a slight dance of victory.

"Clary, truth or dare?" Alec asks me. I makes 'D' with my hands and Alec smirks slightly. "I dare you to get a tattoo."

I'm sorry, what?

"You heard me." Alec smirks, knowing there's no way in hell I would ever get a tattoo.

Groaning, I pull off my white sweater, leaving me in a white cami and my leggings. I glare at Alec once before I turn to Jace. Truth or Dare Blondie?

"Dare. Give me your worst, Red."

I raise my eyebrows at him. Just for calling me "Red", you get to run through Central Park in just your underwear and make out with a tree for ten straight minutes.

Jace looks at me for a minute while the others 'oooooooo' and laugh. "Not bad Morgenstern," he says. "Not bad at all."

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By the end of the game, Jace is in his boxers, Iz still has all her clothes on, Magnus is only in his underwear and pants, Alec has still only taken off his jacket, and I'm standing in my baby blue bra and leggings. Jace and I told the others to get to sleep, or showered in Alec's case (don't ask), and we would clean up.

I'm going around throwing out the neon hair dye boxes we used on Alec when Jace laughs slightly. "You make quite the dares, Red. I've never seen Alec so nervous about a trip to the drugstore."

There's a reason no one would play with me at my old school. All this silent time gives me the time to create the perfect dares for amusement and torture. And I never imagined you'd go so hardcore making out with a tree. Or sprint so quickly when that cop came. Jace and I laugh while we pick up the empty alcohol bottles.

"Y'know, when we first met you I never thought you'd ever let loose this much," Jace says, looking at me with almost pride.

I shrug slightly. We all have to let loose at some point.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

We walk out to the end of the driveway and toss the garbage in the bins out there--after layering up, of course. It's late November, after all. Of course, that also means ice. Which also means a clumsy Clary. I'm walking behind Jace when suddenly I walk on a patch of ice and my feet start to go from underneath me. I let out a gasp and squeeze my eyes shut when suddenly I'm in Jace's arms.

I open my eyes and stare straight into his mesmerizing golden eyes and he stares right back into mine. We stay like that for almost five minutes, just staring into the other's eyes, as an urge to connect our lips grows stronger in me.

Of course, me being the awkward girl who's never been kissed, I break the eye contact--thus making us both awkward. Jace helps me up and I thank him before we walk back inside.

Since all the trash is thrown out, we both go upstairs and get ready to go to sleep. I keep on the leggings I was wearing, but I change into a long sleeved gray t shirt that's kinda baggy. While I run a brush through my red mane, I start to think about what happened outside.

I can't explain why, but I got this tingly warm feeling when I was in Jace's arms. Absentmindedly, I run my hand over the spot on my waist where his hand held me so firmly and face a sense of longing. Shaking my head, I go to my air mattress and lay down. I can't feel this way--especially when I'm thinking about Jace. He's just my friend. And he's a player. I know what would happen if I even thought about starting something with him. I'd end up falling in love and he wouldn't think of it as anything, leaving me to get hurt. There's a reason I have my personal philosophy: To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed. I loved my family so much, and it destroyed me when they died. As I close my eyes, I think about how it will just happen again and again...

Oh screw it.

I get off the air mattress and leave Isabelle sleeping in the room as I go to Jace's room. I knock on the door and feel my confidence waver slightly as I hear Jace walking to the door. When he opens it, we just stand there staring at each other.

I feel my confidence disappear completely and I start to think of excuses when all of a sudden he pulls me towards him and presses his lips to mine lightly.

I freeze for only a second before I start kiss back, slowly moving my hands to rest on his chest. His hands tangle themselves lightly in my hair as they move down to my waist. Jace pulls away, only enough to ask a question.

"Is this your first kiss?" I nod slightly, completely out of breath as he smiles. Not the ever-so-famous smirk, but a smile. "Good."

And he brings his lips to mine again.