Living in Sin (On Hold)

Forty Five _ Journeys Start

“I wish yesterday didn’t happen. Then I could believe that you didn’t say it just to make me feel better.”

“No. I meant it. But there are other things.” I let out a sigh. “Things that I haven’t said because I think … know you’d be hurt if I say them to you.”

“Like?”

“Like … … Rina, I can’t. I shouldn’t.”

But I wanted to. I wanted to so bad especially when we were this close to each other and when this voice in me began whispering that she’d understand. And the crazy fact was that I was hesitating less because I didn’t want to further burden her but more because i was afraid that she’d turn me down.

And I knew that was the one chance I couldn’t take.

“Not right now.”

Smiling, she retained that air of levity and nodded. “Hey, I ran into my mother like that and still survived. So whenever you feel ready, tell me. Okay?”

An inadvertent smile jumped onto my lips.

“Sure.” it just might be sooner than you think, and more than you could take.

“Unless of course, it’s really terribly brutal I want to kill myself again. That kind of thing, you are welcome to keep to yourself.”

“Heh-heh, it’s not that bad, actually.”

“If you say so.”

She pulled a half-smile and relaxed back against the saddle of it. She then put both hands reached behind her for extra support, one on the handle bar and other on the rear seat, and thus accidentally thrust her chest out at me.

I managed to hide when I swallowed and almost fell over backwards when I tried to do what she did and my ass missed the seat of the bike. She laughed heartily and bit her lip to stop giggling after I settled into the same posture as hers.

I didn’t even know why we were staying like this instead of riding out as we were supposed to but it felt great to just stare at one another, enjoying each other’s presence. After about a minute of comfortable silence, her lips parted.

“Can I ask you something?” I shrugged my consent and she continued. “Can I just call you Nicole?”

“Why?”

She let out a nervous chuckle “I don’t know how to call you Nik and not feel weird afterwards. I have no idea how Liz got used to calling you that so easily.”

“Well, I don’t really like being called Nicole.”

The way she looked at me afterwards was the first ever expression she’d given me resembling a pout.

Not that I don’t like the way she smiles at me: I mean, of course I love her smiles. But the fact that she’d easily show her annoyance to me like this was far more ahead of what I was trying to achieve in just one morning together with her. And I was more than glad for it.

“So?”

“So if you don’t wanna call me Nik, … ”

“Yeaaahhh?”

I couldn’t hold back a chuckle and had to clear my throat to pull a straight face again. “you gotta earn it.”

“Earn it, how?”

“I don’t know yet but I’m sure I could think of something malicious.” This time, she made a full-on pouty face. Then she got my heart all jacked up, giving me a puss-in-boots look.

“Don’t be mean. Can I just carry your bag at school, or manicure your nails?”

“Not a chance!” I stated with an uncontrolled laugh but that didn’t stop her from grasping my right hand with both of hers and lifting it up for a close examination. I protested but never pull my hand out of her hold.

“Or I could just bandage your knuckles and close the deals.” She exclaimed with a different kind of tone: a scolding tone. “How many fights did you get into this week, seriously?”

“Just two.”

Then a knowing look took hold of her eyes as she queried, “One of them’s Derek?”

She smiled absently after saying his name and my heart twitched in annoyance. She probably noticed ‘cause she immediately tried to move on.

“And do I know the other one?”

“You probably don’t.”

“Uh-huh?”

“A lot of people confuse him with a certain comic character.”

“Steve?” Surprised, she stopped in the middle of getting on the bicycle. “Wh- I didn’t even notice! He seemed pretty cool, talking with you and all earlier.”

“Yeah, Mr. Nice Guy. Broke his nose.” I said with a chuckle as I too settled onto my bike. “It was right after Elizabeth took you away.”

“Oh.” I regretted that I brought it up. “You mean, after you …”

“Guys! Those are out of order. New bikes are around the back. Rina, there’s a …”

She turned to me again with an amused look after a moment and we both got off the old bicycles to put them away while the nerd was stood there waiting for us, blathering on and on about the new bikes that’d just arrived two days ago.

“Almost forgot we were going out.”

She smiled and walked over to him with a slight shake of her head.

And with a sigh of relief, I followed.