Frerard DD/LB Book

Judgement Day

-
    Dear Diary, they've caught us. They caught me. They saw everything. The blood, the bodies, the pain in the families eyes. This is the last thing I may ever write. I don't feel bad for the wrong I have done. My only regret is dragging Gerard down with me.
     "What's going on Daddy?" Asked Gerard, looking back at me curiously. I was holding onto him with his back pressed to my front as we sat on the floor of my bathroom. I could hear countless sirens from in our yard, and the screaming of cops at our door. I smiled tenderly and petted his hair. "Nothing you need to worry about sweetie. There's just some bad guys out there," I said to him. He nodded, and turned back around. "So we're the good guys?" He asked me, now playing with my tattooed hand. "Sure," I said, guilt laced in my voice. I regret falling in love with this boy, I regret letting him into my heart. I regret what I'm about to do and I haven't even done it yet.
     "I love you so much Gee," I said. Hugging his body tightly to mine. He stirred uneasily at my grip, and turned to look at me once more. "Why are you crying Daddy? Isn't everything all okay? The bad guys are gonna go away," he said, and kissed one of the tears rolling down my cheek. I nodded, and gave him a quick smile. "They are, really soon baby."
     I regret being the runaway kid, and leaving all the good things behind. I regret not listening to anyone when they said you can't run away from murder. Because you can't, and I see that now. I've killed 13 people in my life. 13 innocent people. But of course all that mattered then is I got revenge.
     It was then I heard the police get more aggressive with their yelling, and started to beat on the door. I felt Gee jump in my arms, then felt him turn to jelly in my embrace.
     I regret letting him get to me. I use to blame him for making me get attached, but it was me that had to use him to get what I wanted. Little did I know, I would get attached to the innocent little boy who happened to be at the same bar as me, and had his innocence stolen that same night. He didn't deserve it.
    I looked up at the sink above us, seeing the sleek black pistol that had been used many times before on 13 different people, hanging off the side. I didn't want to touch it. I hated how it seemed to burn my eyes every time I glanced at it.
     My mind was running through every wrong I had ever done, and it never seemed to end. All the images of my baby Gee, and running away from the cops and all my wrong decisions because I worried about him living in prison alone by himself, no one to fend for him. If it was just me, I would've let them take me in the very beginning. But my little Gerard, he deserves nothing but the best life. And look what I gave him.
     My mind acted quick, as I heard our front door being knocked down, and footsteps crowding our house. I felt Gee's breath quicken, and his body get stiff once again.

     I had the pistol in my hand

     I kissed the back of my babies head, and whispered in his ear. "I love you more than anything, sweetie," with a tear rolling down my cheek, as I held the pistol to his head.
    "I love you too Daddy! So, so, so, much!" He said, bouncing a little in my lap, but I held him still.
     "I'm so sorry."
    
     I thought about everything he could've had. Everything he deserved. Everything someone better could've given him. And also the lonely life he would have in prison if I didn't do this. I can't trust anyone.

     I pulled the trigger.

     I felt the only human being that ever felt anything for me, stiffen for the last time, and then go limp in my arms.
  
    I cried out, hugging the one boy I loved so dearly to my chest. Lifeless. Before turning the gun on myself.

     This is what I'm gonna leave behind, for whatever fuck wants to read it. This is it. My life is gonna end today. Its my own little judgement day. Sadly, the love of my life had to be twisted in this mess with me. Goodbye.

I wrote most of this on 4/20 last year bc I was school shooter inspired!!1!  and it was so shitty but I finished it and its still shitty!!11!