Supernovas & Escapism

Chapter Twenty-One

     "Ignore them," Sabrina had said, outstretching her hand to bring my head back round to meet her eyes. "They're just jealous." She leaned in and then planted a PG kiss on my lips.

     It wasn't often that Sabrina Valdez flaunted herself, but right now I could forgive her for that. Her little smirk made my own heart rip at the seams ever so slightly. I'd longed to see this side of her for so long, and now here she was displaying it so openly. Maybe I just hadn't noticed it that much before.

     Either way, I convinced myself that I was in love with it, just like how I was in love with all the other things about her.

     When I pulled back, I found my eyes drifting back towards Garth. His hair was so shaggy, so unrefined, and it barely looked like it fit the person I'd spent the last few days talking too. Unlike before, his back was turned to me, and a shirt which seemed three sizes to big seemed to just drape over him like a blanket. I wished he would just turn around so I could see him, so I could know for myself if he was okay.

     But I knew he wouldn't. There had been nothing there when I'd looked at him earlier. It was like I could see his own world closing off to all the different possibilities of what could be. He was shutting down without giving away the signs.

     A hand waves over my face, bringing me back into focus. I have to blink a few times and turn my head just to register that Sabrina is still there. Unlike most high school girls who might have been offended at me zoning out in their presence, Sabrina took it in stride like this was no big deal. And to be fair, it wasn't that big of a deal. I was just checking in on a friend, albeit a friend she was not all too familiar with.

     The friends that she knew were my own version of the three stooges. Not that she was the biggest fan of either of them either.

     "Earth to Xavier," she finally replied in a chipper tone. Her eyes wandered the room, trying to track where exactly I'd been but coming up short. "Are you alright?" I hated how she sounded so genuinely worried, as if there were something to not be alright about. The way she looked at me in that moment made me want to just curl up in bed and do nothing for days on end.

     "I'm fine," I replied almost instantly.

     Caleb coughed loudly, but even through that I could hear his claim. 'Bullshit.' I wanted to twist round and wring his scrawny neck, but decided against this, instead putting on my best mask. It was one rarely worn, mostly because usually I was not above letting people know that I was not alright.

     But if I continued to be like that, then I would become everything Garth was. As much as I respected him, I could never bring myself to become so distrustful.

     "Where were you?" she asked in her most polite, non-judgmental tone.

     'Not here.' This is what I want to tell her.

     She doesn't know about anything right now. She does not know about the fight I got into. She doesn't know about the park. She doesn't know about the 'Think Tank.' She has no idea about the game of twenty questions me and Garth are passing round each other. She doesn't know about moonlit conversations on the hood of my car. She doesn't know about the kiss. She doesn't know who Garth is as far as I'm aware. To be completely honest, I'm not sure what she does know about me at this point.