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Anonymous

A  T R U E  S T O R Y
          From Anonymous

Before we begin I want to make my situation known. I don't do this lightly, and I know it's a sore subject, but it's me, and it's what I suffer through. I'm a cheater. I was unfaithful in the early stages of my marriage. I did it. It can't be changed, and I won't hide from it.

With that said, I wasn't caught, and it's been 26 years since I came to my wife and confessed. I turned my life around. Nonetheless, the pain I caused doesn't go away, ever. I know what everyone thinks of me when they first find out. I know what people say when they talk about someone who did what I did. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Well, that's not right. It's hurtful... and my wife says it to me all the time. She stayed with me, and I'm glad she did, but she won't ever let me move on.

I used to think things would get better overtime. I thought I might be able to show my love that we could be okay again. I wish that were true, but I call myself a cheater because she does. Every little argument has the possibility of blowing up and rehashing my past. "Why don't you go get your flings elsewhere, you've done it before?"

I know it's my fault. Anyone that tries to say that behind my back, like I don't know, is blind. I'm the one that screwed up, I know that. I've tasted the end of a handgun, a glock to be specific. I've cried myself to sleep knowing its my fault. But can't I also receive credit for what I've done right? Why can't I be seen for who I am, not who I was?

I'm the transgressor, but I'm also a human being. I have feelings, I matter. At least that's what I tell myself. I want to forget the horrible excuse of a man I once was. I want to be seen for the person I am today. Why do I have to be reminded of the reason I wanted to die? Is it because I'm a living reminder of how I hurt her? Well, that's not fair to me, not after 26 years of making amends. Not that what I did should ever be forgotten in her mind, it shouldn't. But that doesn't make it okay to call me names and tell people my biggest, darkest secret, just because you're upset that I didn't fold the clothes.

I still cry, and I always will.