A World Remembered

Chapter 2: Can You Correct It?

"I kan't, Bookvorm.  Perhaps you have been strong for far too long."

I recognize the voice, that Russian voice and...for some reason, I curl closer to him.  Long after the tears had ceased and my bodied stilled, we stay this way.  He normally moved to much, got too uncomfortable standing in one place...I got this somewhat betraying thought that he was there for something else.  I bet it had to do with me.  He did look at my journal after all (I noticed earlier when the pages were flying and then it was laying crooked on the counter. No, I'm not OCD).  He's the only one who would be quick enough for me not to deduct it was him.  The only others I could think of would be Jean, but she didn't know about it, and your Blueberry, but I would have found out his smoke.  That peculiar smell of brimstone.

"Why are you here?" I cannot help the accusation in my voice, that little emotion causing him to let me go as if I were to sting him when I came to my senses.  As if I didn't already have them.  Spare me your thoughts on that sentence, please.

"A friend kan't help another out?" Peter propped a hand over his heart and I rolled my eyes.  

"No need to get dramatic."

"Says the one vho decided to kuddle up to me."

"Did you need something?  Seriously this time."

"Yes, actually, I did.  Kurt, you, and I need to talk."

Oh frickers frack.

~~~

"I vanted to ask you somezing," Kurt says...rather curtly if I do say so.  Peter has lead me to the room which I have not wanted to be in.  Even now, as I enter it months later, I feel that black pit again.  Why won't it just go away?  Sheesh.  I'm not a bad person, thank you person who rules the universe.  

"And what was it?"  I couldn't help the little panicked note in my voice.  Lord, let's hope Quicksilver here didn't get it into his head to tell him.  This would be a terrible talk to have around you.

"You and...(Y/N) vere friends, no?"  That hesitancy is my fault.  All my fault that he even acts the way he does.  Why was I given this curse, to hurt these people in such a way?  When would I be able to fix it?  How long?  How many more chapters to go?  I know it is up to me...but there is a part of me that says not to rush it, to let things play out.  When such a overpowering part of me is telling me to do it, I must adhere.  One can't always fight their instincts for ever.

"Perhaps you have been strong for far too long?" rings in my mind and I let myself go.  I need to stop damming myself up.  Whether to keep the accident from earlier occurring again, or perhaps to just let others in.

Kurt looks a little concerned.

"Yes, I believe we were.  I like to think that we still are," I reply.

"You sound...as if she vere only in ze past.  Do you feel it too zen, zat feeling in ze air?"  I feel the one in my stomach, but I can't tell him that.  I can't tell anyone that.

"I feel something alright.  Hopelessness." Oh god, there goes that strong cover up again.  I turn it back to him rather than continue with myself.  Dammit, what's wrong with me?  I guess things don't change much.  My voice has changed to sounding stern, but not harshly so.  "Don't ever feel that way Kurt, as if there is nothing to be done."

"But zere isn't.  She vill vake ven she vishes or she vill never awaken.  Zere is nothing I can do about it-" Golden eyes meet mine and I understand why I first fell in love with this blue guy with a tail.  It was superficial, of course, and only temporary compared to what you two have now, that everlasting love.  I kinda wonder if that tale about how soulmates came about in Greek mythology is true, but that will be for later times to talk about.