Stonehearts 3: Aquamarine

Thirty

"Reports are to be sent to me via email, every Thursday and Friday." Habilin ko kay Karen na tanga naman ng tango. Sinusulat din niya ang mga lumalabas sa bibig ko.

Aalis na talaga ako. Baka hindi na nga ako makabalik.

A part of me wished that Brinx would just show up and stop me from leaving. But who am I kidding? I already gave him the free pass. I pushed him to pick Tash instead of me.

I loved him enough to set him free.

Napatingala ako para pigilin ang mga luhang aakmang babagsak. Papasok na ako ng terminal ng bigla akong habulin ni Karen, "Miss Q wait!" Tawag niya. "Pinapabigay ni Sir Brinx." May alinlangan sa boses niya ng inabot niya sa akin 'yun, alam ko namang may haka-haka na sila sa nangyari sa amin.

I took the little rectangular parcel covered in brown paper with a blue ribbon bounding it. Actually, I thought of not accepting it. Pero ito na lang 'yung huling alaala na makukuha ko mula sa kanya.

I smiled at Karen before hugging the package tight. "Thank you Karen. Ikaw na bahala sa hacienda. I'm counting on you." Ani ko sabay tuluyang pumasok sa terminal.

I didn't sleep much during my travel back to Italy. I was always close to crying whenever I remember that I chose to turn my back against Brinx this time. It wasn't me begging him, it was the other way around. And I should be happy with that because that's what I intended to do on the first place. Then things got messed up and we just found ourselves rekindling our love lost. But I wasn't strong enough to hold onto it, like he was four years ago.

"Bella, figlia!" Papa welcomed me with arms wide open as soon as I touched down. Hindi niya na rin napigilan umiyak ng naakap na niya ako. Two months lang ako nawala sa Italy, sa loob ng two months 'yun naramdaman ko ulit lahat ng pinaramdam sa akin ni Brinx nung kami pa hangga't sa naghiwalay kami noon.

My parents never questioned me about what happened in the Philippines. I guess they thought of just letting what happened there, stay there.

"Principessa, remember Peter? 'Yung anak ni Mr. Moretti? They are going to visit the winery at the east end. I think you should invite him for some dinner after." Papa said, not too pushy but hopeful.

I shook my head, masyado pang maaga para mag-date ako ulit. The wounds are still fresh, hindi ko alam kung maatim kong may kaharap na iba samantalang si Brinx lang ang nasa isip ko.

"I'm not really ready for dating Papa. But soon enough, I will." I muttered, wishing it's sounded happy to them as it is to me.

Nagkatinginan lang sila ni Daddy pero wala naman ng ulit nagsalita. I volunteered to wash the dishes eventhough I was tired from the 18 hours of travel.

Katawan ko lang naman ang pagod, yung utak ko walang kapaguran sa kakaisip kay Brinx.

I remembered how happy we were while eating ice cream at the park. How he confidently said that he wanted kids with me, many kids to be exact. I should've known that those ideas are too good to be true. He's too good to be true.

Ano ba talagang nangyari sa apat na taon na 'yun na hindi niya kayang sabihin sa akin? What inhabits the past that's needed fixing? Ano bang pilit niyang inaayos?

Days turned into weeks, until it turned into a month. One month and I'm still not over him. Pinipilit kong alalahanin ang ginawa ko rati at nagawa kong mag-move on sa kanya. Pero ngayon, parang imposible ng mangyari.

"Miss Q, pinipinturahan na 'yung mansyon. Teka lang." Tugon ni Fritz sabay harap ng iPad sa may mansyon. Napanganga ako sa ganda ng nun. "Maganda ba Miss Q?" I heard Allen asking.

Napatango ako nang sila na ulit ang kaharap ko. "Hindi talaga ako nagkamali ng sa inyo ko iniwan ang hacienda." Tugon ko.

"Malapit ng matapos Miss Q. Babalik ka ba dito kapag natapos na ito ng tuluyan?" Cerwin asked. Nakita kong siniko siya ni Jordan, nagpasahan pa nga sila ng sama ng tingin.

"Hindi ko alam kung papayagan akong uuwi jan. Pero kung hindi, baka sila Papa at Daddy lang ang pupunta for the opening. Saka marami rin akong trabaho rito." Palusot ko, patay malisya sa mga nakita ko.

"Sasabihin ba natin?" Bulong ni Neilson pero masyadong malakas kaya narinig ko. Nakita kong binatukan siya ni Jordan, napahalinghing pa nga ito habang hinihimas ang likuran ng ulo niya.

"Sabihin sa akin ang ano?" I croaked.

Nagtingin muna silang lima bago nila pinagpapalo si Neilson. "Ang ingay mo gago!" Sita sa kanya ni Fritz. Habang pinapatagal nila, mas lalong namumuo ang tensyon sa dibdib ko.

"Sabihin sa akin ang ano Fritz?" I asked, firmly and coaxing this time.

Napakamot si Fritz sa likod ng ulo niya bago lumingon kay Allen. Allen gave him a nod before he sighed, "Narinig namin na magpapakasal na raw si Sir Brinx, Natasha ata pangalan nung babae."

My heart died. I swear I heard it breaking. I fought the urge of the prickly tears that's forming at the back of my eyes, "Akala ko naman kung ano 'yang tinatago niyo." I nonchalantly answered, keeping my cool; putting a front.

"Miss Q..." Jordan muttered but wasn't able to continue.

I smiled at them, eventhough there's nothing left in my heart to mend. "Sabi ko naman sa inyo dati na walang kami diba? Kayo talaga." Giving it a short giggle but it just made me look worse in front of them. I gulped and tried to change topics instead, "O siya sige na. I'm running late for a meeting, kayo na bahala jan ha. Thanks guys!"

Nakarinig ako ng chorus na 'goodbye Miss Q' bago ko tuluyang binaba ang tawag nila.

Saka ako nagbuga ng maingay na hininga. Hindi ko alam na kanina pa pala ako nagpipigil ng iyak. He's getting married. Ilang beses akong nagdasal na sana masamang panaginip lang ang lahat. Pero ilang ulit ko ng kinurot ang sarili ko, nasa opisina ko pa rin ako. Wala ako sa Pilipinas, wala ako sa tabi ni Brinx.

I buried my face in my palms. I made this choice, I shouldn't be here crying my heart out for him.

How can I ever forget you Brinx? 

Tell me how?