Stonehearts 3: Aquamarine

Twenty Eight

Ang hirap huminga.

Bakit sobrang hirap huminga?

I didn't say any word to Tash after what she said. I stared at her, vocabulary becoming quite the luxury. Hanggang sa bumalik na si Tito Ran kasama ang mommy ni Natasha. Binati naman niya ako, hindi pa nga raw niya ako namukhaan. But everything is too surreal to let it sink in. Hindi ako makapaniwala.

Hindi ko gustong maniwala.

Kaya ba ayaw niyang sabihin sa akin ang lahat dahil dito? Ano pang dapat kong malaman? Were there any more secrets? Did he really intend of continually hurting me? Was this part of his master plan?

So ano sa kanya ang mga nangyari nung nakaraan? Wala lang? Hindi ko na alam ang totoo. Hindi ko na alam ang totoong Brinx at kung alin ang hindi.

"Daddyy..." I wept as soon as I got back to my hotel room. Biglang napatayo si daddy at mas lumapit sa screen ng monitor nila.

"Figlia? Principessa why are you crying? Aqui anak." He blabbered, he's in distress while trying to determine what's the next thing he should do. "Luigi mi amore!" He shouted next.

But all I did was to bawl my eyes out. "Amore? Tinatapos ko lang ang paglilinis ko sa kwarto ni Q ba-" Then he stopped talking when he heard me crying over facetime.

I heard something hitting their floor before Papa's voice became louder. "Bella Aqui....stop crying princess...anak ko.." His tone quivering, probably having the urge to cry too.

I look back up to them, my eyes stinging, my nose sore, my throat dry. How can I start retelling the story? Paano ko sasabihin na minahal ko ulit ang taong hindi na dapat?

"Was it..was it because of him?" Papa said out loud, but his words was drenched with horror. Napahagulgol ako ulit bago ako tumango. I saw him closing his eyes before he turned his attention to Daddy. "I told you this would happen! Sinabihan na kita amore, pero hindi ka nakinig. Now look at Aqui! Look at my baby." Napaiyak na ng tuluyan si Papa Luigi ng natapos niya ang sinasabi niya.

Daddy's face was covered with regrets before he pulled Papa in an embrace. We looked like total fools crying and sobbing in front of each other. I took my time to release everything that's been eating me from the inside. Hinayaan rin lang naman nila ako.

"Papa, Daddy please take me home.." I pleaded in between sobs.

"I fully intend of doing that bella Aqui. Uuwi ka na dito and you're not setting foot back to that God-forsaken country." Papa said in firm certainty.

We discussed how everything's going to be. They insisted to just withdraw the partnership but I said no. Nangangarap pa rin ako para sa hacienda, gusto ko pa ring matapos iyon. At hindi ko rin kasi kayang talikuran si Brinx..they needed us in order to score some international deals. Kapag bigla akong bumitiw sa tie-up namin, it might hurt their image at ayokong mangyari 'yun.

Inatasan na lang nila Daddy si Karen sa hacienda. Siya na lang ang makiki-coordinate tungkol doon. And I'll be back to the same me in Italy. Susubukang kalimutan na nagkita kami ulit ni Brinx, na minahal ko siya ulit, na sinaktan niya lang ako ulit.

I finished packing my clothes before I decided to visit Ate Amy at the hospital then Aya then Ate Gie the next day. Para makapagpaalam ako ng maayos sa kanila.

Bubuksan ko palang 'yung pinto pero may biglang kumatok doon. My heart raced on its own. Pinagdasal ko na sana hindi si Brinx ang nasa kabilang pinto, pero binigo ko lang nanaman ang sarili ko.

"Flowers for you." He sweetly said, handing me a basket of my favourite Chicharong bulaklak. Napawi ang ngiti niya ng nakita niya ang pilit na pagtatakip ko sa maiitim kong eyebags gamit ang concealer. "Rina baby.." He said, reaching for me.

Umiwas ako, no skin to skin contact please. Uuwi na ako sa amin at hindi na magbabago ang isip ko. Masyado ng malalim ang sugat na ginawa niya. Masyado ng masakit ang lahat. I know love isn't about pure bliss, we have decasted our own demons in the span of our relationship. Pero sadyang may mga tao talaga na pinagtagpo pero hindi nakalaan para sa isa't-isa. At kahit mahirap aminin, kabilang kami sa lupon ng mga taong iyon.

Sana kaya lang ako lambingin ng chicharong bulaklak. Sana kaya kong kalimutan ulit ang ginawa niya. Sana makukuha niya lang ako ulit sa pa-Rina baby niya. Pero hindi eh, hindi na ito tulad ng dati.

"Rina baby...I'm sorry, pag-usapan muna natin 'to." Pagmamakaawa niya ng nakapasok na siya sa kwarto ko.

"What's left to talk about?" I intend of just thinking that but I ended up saying it out loud.

His face crumpled in pain. Ilang beses niya akong inabot pero panay ang iwas ko sa kanya. "Rina-"

"Napunta ako kay Natasha kahapon." Basag ko sa sasabihin niya. He blinked at me, appaled.

"Let me explain...sandali magpapaliwanag ako."

I snorted inspite of the choking ache. "Hindi ko na kailangan ng explanation mo Brinx, narinig ko na ang dapat kong malaman kay Natasha." I kept my tears at bay. Hindi ka na dapat iiyak Q. Matatag kang bumalik dito, dapat matatag ka ring aalis dito.

"I was trying to fix everything. Inaayos ko ang lahat bago ako magpapaliwanag sa iyo. Gusto ko kapag sinabi ko na ang lahat, maayos na tayong dalawa. Hindi ko gustong saktan ka Rina-"

"But you did. Again." I said, cutting him off.

He looked around, his eyes glistening with tears. "Walang namamagitan sa amin ni Tash. I've said it before at hindi magbabago 'yun..Rina.. Rina, please listen to me.."

Nang hindi ako sumagot, bigla siyang lumuhod sa harap ko at tuluyang umiyak. "Rina..please don't leave me.." He pleaded.

We were three steps apart. He was sobbing on his knees, his teary eyes looking directly at me.

I love him.

I love him with all that I am even after what he did to me. Nagalit lang ako, pero hindi ko siya nagawang kalimutan. Those four years without him just made me love him more. But I have the better life, I have the better goods than Tasha. And even if I have the last say, I can't let my selfishness ride me.

I may need him, but Natasha needs him more. I may love him, but I know Natasha can love him even more.

I closed my eyes briefly, swallowing my heart. "Everything was just a game Brinx. I wanted revenge and I got it. Now go back to Natasha, the game's over."