thanatophobia // joshler [✓]

my reassurance

"you're scared of death?"

he nodded, almost as if he felt defeated as he refused to look me in the eye. i didn't know what to say, though. how was i supposed to react when the leader of a gang who kills people tells me he's afraid of dying more than anything?

"how could you be afraid of dying when deaths all around you?" this was the only question i could think to ask.

"i've always feared it. they have a term for it and everything... i think it's thanatophobia?" he explained.

"but why are you scared of it?" i wondered.
"i don't want to know what's on the other side. with living a life like this, it makes me think of it more and more everyday..." his voice began to subtly break with every work he spoke.

"death is inevitable tyler... fear it or not it's going to happen. and you just have to accept it." i sounded more cold than i was intending.

he shook his head and clutched his eyes tight shut as i could imagine this was hard for him to comprehend. no wonder why he was the leader. being the leader meant people would protect you the most, and tyler did need it most.

"the only other person who knew was jenna... and that's why she did it. that's why she took the bullet... oh god i killed her..." tyler trailed off as he was now sobbing quietly into his knees as he sat in the fetal position.

i watched him as he was weak and beaten down. but still having care in me i scooted over to him and wrapped my arm around him, letting his lean on me as he cried.

"tyler, you're not going to die. not now, at least. and that's what you have to remember... and with that in mind you have to live your life without dreading death. and that's how you conquer your fear." i reassured him, feeling some dejá vù.

his cries became softer as i felt him comfortably lean on me,
"josh?"
"yeah?"

i felt his erratic heart beat beginning to slow down as he was finally regaining himself. he took another breath before answering,
"i needed that. thank you."

he sat up and looked at me with his eyes puffy and red as he was sniffling,
"no need to thank me, ty... i should be thanking you for not letting dallon kill me that day." i admitted.

"that was probably the best decision i could've made." he cracked a smile while looking at me.