Sabreen: Trials Of A Young Divorcee

☀️Prologue☀️

(July, 25th 2018)

I am bathing my 6-month-old baby when my husband returns from work.I rush out of the bathroom, wrap the baby in a towel and hurry to welcome him. My hands are still wet and I wipe them quickly as I open the door for him. I grab the suitcase from his hand and lean to kiss him, he smells of cigarettes, that deranged smell that I've already gotten used to. He heads to his room without even giving me a second look. That has been our daily routine for the past one year. He comes back from work, heads to his room and avoid me for the rest of the day.

I strap baby Farhan on my back and walk to the kitchen to get food for Alameen, my husband. Or is he? I dont even know anymore. I hold the tray with both hands and proceed to Alameen's room. I place the tray on the center table adorning his room. I look around the room but he wasnt there. Then I hear the bathroom door click. He is freshly showered and the smell of lavender fills the room. I turn to leave the room when he calls my name in a very calm yet eerie way that made me shiver in fear. 'Sabreen, pack your stuff youre leaving for Kaduna tomorrow morning'. I fail to comprehend. Yes, its been long since I last visited Kaduna where my parents live. Infact I didnt go home since I gave birth to Farhan. I should be happy but I feel tensed. 'I cant do this anymore' he continues 'its over between us'. Then my heart starts beating at what feels like a thousand beats a minute. No, its starts pounding and all I can hear is his steely calm voice saying 'I want you out of this house as early as 5am, I cant stand looking at your pathetic face talk more of living with you under the same roof'.

If this was a scene in a movie, this would probably be the moment when I collapse in shock on the bed while a melancholic soundtrack is introduced in the background. But this is real life and all I feel, atleast right now, which is the beginning (but im yet to know it), is that he is playing some sort of a cruel joke on me. But it isnt first of April and it is the steeliness and edge in his voice that shakes me up. I do not know what to say. So all I do is ask him 'is this some kind of joke?' 'Do I sound like im joking?' he says with no trace of emotion in his voice. He walks to the closet and pull a vest and a pair of shorts whilst I stand there like an idiot. 'You can leave now' he says dismissively.

Choosing to ignore this sword that has been driven right into me. But theres a silent scream inside my head which I'm unable to stop. It continues in the background like a supporting orchestra. I am not going to break down in front of him, I will not give him that satisfaction.

I leave the room and walk to my room slowly. I unstrap Farhan and place him on the bed. I prepare his baby food and even manage to sing his favorite rhyme and make him have his full quota of baby cereal. He is chubby and bubbly and the twinkle in his eyes refuses to dim, a lot like his dad. I try to think of everything besides what Alameen said. Ours used to be a happy marriage. Or so i had thought. What happened to that man that swept me off my feet? What happened to all the promises? What happened to the Alameen i fell inlove with? I have always been patient and, whatever be my weak points, one of the greatest strengths I pride in myself on is never losing my temper.
I am lying next to Farhan, patting him absent-mindedly. He is a good baby and drops off to sleep within minutes. Thoughts are whirling around in my head. I realize I am involuntarily holding my breath. I exhale slowly with a deep, long sigh. How can he say something like this? I have no clue. I have always tried hard to please him. I have kept our sprawling home immaculately clean. I have never complained about his late-night arrivals. Above all, I have been a good wife and a great mother, even if I may say so myself. Yes, I admit I may have put on a bit of a weight since baby Farhan came, but surely nobody leaves a spouse for this reason, right?

I truly do not know what to do. I start packing my clothes and Farhan's. I put all the clothes in a large bag. Is there another woman in his life?
I am frightened, upset and hurt. I am not yet shattered or devasted. That is to come later. Yet I am not angry. My world as I know it has just come crashing down but im not even crying. Time has never crawled slowly before. I keep glancing at the clock, waiting to hear the Adhaan. The sky is littered with a thousand twinkling stars and I gaze at them from the balcony of my living room. The cool night breeze caresses my cheeks. I walk inside. I continue to wait. As I wait, my mind races back to that time in my life before I became a wife and a mother. The time when he first walked into my life and swept me off my feet.