Insane Doesn't Even Begin to Cover It...

Insane Doesn't Even Begin to Cover It... Chapter 38

Caden and I just look at each other for a while. He doesn’t try to say anything else, and I don’t try to write anything down. Nothing in his face gives away what he’s thinking, but I know that my face is a different story. I’m hurt, and confused, which I know shows plainly through my eyes.

After a few more seconds of just sitting like that, Caden groans and swings his legs off of my cot. “Y’know, if you aren’t going to say anything to me, I’ll just go.” The voice I hear is bitter, nothing like how I’m used to. What’s wrong with him? He pauses, as if to see if I’m going to make a move to stop him. Instead, I just sit there and stare at him, blankly. What does he expect me to do, grab him, tell him not to go?

Last time I checked I was physically unable to do either of those things. So I can only watch with sadness and confusion as he glares at me and storms out of the room. The sound of the door slamming reverberates through the room after he goes, and a slow pounding starts behind my eyes.

Deciding not to dwell on it, I fix the blankets on my cot and then tuck my notebook and pen under my pillow. Exhausted, I lie down and curl up in a tight ball, fully prepared to take a nap. Sleep never comes though, and I’m left there staring at the wall, wondering what is wrong with everyone in this building.

The bell for lunch rings but I ignore it. Surprisingly, I’m not hungry. I might have been before, but now, I just couldn’t even bear the thought of stomaching anything. No one comes to get me at all, even though they must know I was out of that room… unless they really hadn’t even been checking on me, and had left me there to wake up on my own.

By the time dinner rolls around, I’m starting to get a little bit worried as to why no one has even come to check up on me. I really don’t enjoy the thought of going to look for Becca, Caden or even Griffin. The thought still passes through my mind, though, no matter how much I don’t like it. There was obviously something wrong with Caden earlier, which is surprising. He’s usually always there for me, making me feel better, etc. I might’ve been a grade A bitch to him recently but he just confuses me…

My thoughts of Caden bring tears to my eyes and I mentally curse myself. I’m not supposed to feel this way, at all. The last time I let myself feel anything besides hate or maybe even friendship towards someone, they were taken away. Maybe that’s why I’m pushing him away now, I don’t want him to be gone forever. Even if he hates me for it, I’m sick of not being able to keep someone that I want.

Jolting up, I run a hand through my hair roughly. Pressing my other hand against my mouth, I bite my lip until I taste blood. Stop thinking about that, you idiot. I groan and leave my room, going towards the bathroom. It’s been a while since I’ve taken a shower, and I must look like shit.

It doesn’t take me long to get undressed, turn the shower on, and get under the warm water. Feeling the drops pounding against my skin, face, and back makes me relax a little and I stand there until I’m sure the water will get cold soon. Only then do I wash my hair and body, then turn the water off and towel myself dry. I put my dirty clothes into the laundry room, on top of one of the machines, and then go back into my room to change into another pair of the same clothes.

Having to wear the same clothes all the time depresses me, but at least it’s still cold enough for me to be able to wear the warmer sweatpants and shirts, along with the jacket. Once I’m fully clothed, I go into the laundry room and wash all of my dirty clothes and towels. I spend the rest of my night in that room, listening as the clothes are turned around in the washing machine, moving them to the dryer when they’re ready.

The only good thing about me being in there, was that I missed the doctors coming into my room to take me back to the chair. I could hear them coming up the stairs, trying to be quiet, I hear them opening the door and cursing when I’m not in there. At first I think they’re going to come down towards this area and look, but they don’t. Instead, they go back down the stairs, leaving me up there alone.

A smile escapes my lips, it pleases me to know that I’ve escaped them once more. I have a feeling things are reverting back to how they were. The times where I was defiant and unruly, and they were pissed and controlling.

Bring it on.

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Hope you liked it.

Sorry it took so long to update, school has been kicking my ass.

Last day of January guys, hope the first month of 2012 was good for you.

-Lexi