Picture of You [Jaeyong, Yusol] #JustWriteIt

White

It's almost 2 weeks since the last time Taeyong met Jay, since they're drinking soju together at the tteokpoki stall around Taeyong's neighborhood. And it's almost a month since the last time Taeyong met Yoonoh, Jaeyook, and White.

Taeyong doesn't understand with the sudden disappearance of Jaehyun's alter egos. And even though Jaehyun had been watching Taeyong secretly for a week, it's not like Taeyong could approach him and talk to him about his disorder. Taeyong doesn't want making Jaehyun scared. When Taeyong caught Jaehyun staring, the younger stopped following him. Maybe Taeyong should've just pretended to not know about Jaehyun stalking him. Now, a week have passed since the last time Taeyong saw Jaehyun at the campus.

Taeyong worried what if something bad happened to Jaehyun?! His uncle has no idea about Jaehyun, too.

"It's better if Jay or Jaeyook takes control most of the time. I'm worried if it's Yoonoh or White."

Taeyong stares at Kim Jae Joong across the room who's still preparing for the dinner. Taeyong decided to come over to his uncle's place to discuss about Jaehyun. Yes, that's the main purpose. The other's purpose is of course to taste the delicious meal! Seriously, if his uncle is not a psychiatrist, Taeyong 100% sure his uncle would become a great chef.

"I know Yoonoh is suicidal. But, White? Why are you worried about him, uncle? Because he can't talk?"

Jaejoong heaves a deep sigh. "You don't understand, do you? About White's drawings?"

"Most of them. I couldn't interpret them."

"Not only interpreting it, Tae, but also deeper than that, understanding the meaning behind those drawings." Jaejoong puts the plates full of pasta on the dining table and takes a seat in front of Taeyong.

"White is the youngest among them. He's the most vulnerable. He's the one who remembers his past since the start without the help of the hypnosis. He's the one who remembers most of the painful memories. After some therapy sessions, Yoonoh could remember it too. Jaeyook remembers many things, but not as much as White and Yoonoh. Jay? Jay is the older version of White, he's dangerous, yes, but at least he could protect himself, and he's more dangerous to other people, he would never hurt himself, at least not in suicidal ways. Even though all of them have the different consciousness and personality, there's a main string connected them altogether. I think I've found it, though just the surface. I have to dig into it deeper."

Taeyong's eyes widen. "W-what? But... uncle, why did you not tell me about it earlier?!"

"Why are you hiding a lot of things from me too, then?"

Taeyong stiffens. He lowers his gaze on the floor. "I-I'm sorry, uncle, I'm just... I don't know. You said I've triggered his disorder. Maybe I'm too arrogant to think that Jaehyun could get better if I help him as his friend."

"You've helped him a lot. They trust you. I don't blame you, Tae. It's just... I'm afraid something bad would happen to you. DID is not an easy case. There's a possibility an unknown identity take over Jaehyun's consciousness, the dangerous one, more dangerous than Jay, Yoonoh, Jaeyook, and White. Why I said more dangerous? Because you don't know anything about this unknown, this new identity, and you don't have any idea how to handle him."

Jaejoong inhales a deep breath. "Tae, you don't know, all of them, Jay-Jaeyook-White-Yoonoh are in fact suicidal. It's just...they have different ways. Jay is a narcissistic who loathes himself, he has something grand in mind how to end his life, but not too soon as he still has a lot of things to do. The revenge is what keeping him alive, and so he transfers his bad energy outside of himself. He's dangerous to people around him, he wouldn't think twice to kill someone if that someone is deserved to die."

"White's phobia of the fire is what's keeping him alive. He always wants to die just like how his parents and brother died, burnt to death. But he's too afraid to do so. He keeps a lot of secrets and he has millions unspoken words. The meaning behind his drawings is really dark, darker than Yoonoh or Jay's thoughts, but like I've said, thanks to his phobia, he's still alive until now. You know why he often came to the therapy sessions? It's because he thinks I'd help him facing his phobia. He thinks the art therapy given to him is to help him facing his fears, meanwhile actually it's to help me understanding Jaehyun's past better. We can't let White gets over his phobia."

"Is it allowed to lie to your client?"

"If it could save him, why not?"

Taeyong nods. "What about Jaeyook and Yoonoh?"

"I've told you, Jaeyook is the safest among them. He's the one whom I've allowed to talk to Jaehyun. His memory of his brother is so much different from the rest of the alter egos. Jaeyook is the hope among them. His depression is not too severe like the others, and he's the one who has the positive reason to live. Cooking, and finding his brother and his mother are what keeping him alive."

"Yoonoh has no one, and nothing to keep him alive. If Jay has the revenge, White has the phobia, Jaeyook has the hope, Yoonoh... has nothing. He simply lives because he breaths. That's before he remembers his past. I'm starting to question myself, maybe letting Yoonoh remembers his past is the bad decision."

"What's my... relationship with them? I mean... in the past? Jay knows about it. But I'm not sure with the others." Taeyong is fidgeting in his chair.

"White knows. But not with Jaeyook and Yoonoh. I wish Yoonoh could know, or remember about you too. So he would have a reason to live."

"I... don't understand, uncle."

Jaejoong smiles. "Me too. I'm still trying to figure out many things. I'm still doubting a lot of things. I can't believe everything the alter egos said right away, because the chance of those memories not what's exactly happened is high. It could be just the manifestation of the fears, not the real memories. Jaehyun is the main identity. He holds the key, but I still can't find it in him. He's afraid of finding out his past."

"I can't tell you what Jay and White know about you, as I fear it could lead to confusions, since you can't remember anything about your past. But let me tell you this, Tae, you are important for them, but you bring them pain. They love you and hate you at the same time."

Taeyong gasps. Jay and White... hate him?

"Uncle." Taeyong's gaze when he says the words is certain. He has never felt as certain as now about something in his life before. "Help me remember my past."

"It won't be easy, Tae."