Fighting for a Life

Part Ten:

Part Ten:

With each day that passed, I became more and more excited. I made sure to get Brent's address so that I could send him his presents once I got them, and I had to use a whole roll of wrapping paper just on his things, while using two more rolls on my boy's presents.

With Brent, it was easy. I went to three stores and got everything that related to the movie Cars that I could find.

With Alex, I knew he'd be happy with some new guitar strings for his acoustic baby, and a couple of shirts but I wanted so much more for him. I wanted.. to confess to him. The feelings I had, without actually saying "I'm in love with you" so I got him a ring, and had it engraved. It did say 'I love you' but he wouldn't see it as a confession, even if I did.

Sure, it seemed girly but I couldn't help it. My conscious begged me to finally tell him, but I didn't want to tell him, I didn't want to ruin what we already had so this was my way of confessing without having to tell him straight out. If he didn't realize the significance the ring held, then at least I tried.

With Jack, Zach and Rian, I tried to do the same. Finding them things to remember me by. With Jack, he and I had this really stupid inside joke about peanuts, so I got him a stuffed peanut that was about as long as my arm but thicker, as well as a nice pair of skinnies, because that boy couldn't live without skinny jeans.

With Zach, it was harder. He was a bit.. manlier. I didn't feel right getting him jewelry or stuffed toys or even clothing.. I settled for some Xbox games that I figured he would like but knew he hadn't gotten around to buying.

Rian was the hardest by far, and I didn't feel like anything I got him would be something he'd like, so I went with what ninety percent of guys would love to get. His favorite bands newest album, which I knew for a fact he hadn't gotten yet. I also got him a leather bracelet with a little silver plate tied into it, and a notice saying that he could get it engraved with anything he wanted as long as he went back to the same store I got it from.

Not only did they get that, but I made shirts for all five of my special guys, with my gorgeous face on them. My hair was wild in the picture, and I had my hands spread out and framing my face as I stuck my tongue out and made my eyes cross.

Three for Brent since he was still growing. One for the size he was now, one that he could wear in a couple of years, and one for when he was a bit , I'd tried.

Alex's shirt was just plain and white, with my picture being in full color, Jack's shirt was neon pink with my picture being black and grey, Zach's was orange and Rian's was a light grey, both with my picture in black and white.

I felt accomplished at the end of it all, I felt like I'd done good even if nobody would wear the stupid shirts, I knew they'd keep them and that they'd like them.

I watched the days go by, they seemed to fly past quickly and I wanted to beg them to slow down but I knew that wouldn't work, and sooner than I'd hoped for, Christmas was upon us.

Day by wretched day, I'd gotten weaker and sicker. My doctor had even gone so far as to suggest a live-in aid for me, that I refused. I didn't need an aid until I couldn't get out of bed, I didn't want to waste the money on one unless it was absolutely necessary.

I had to stay in a wheelchair all the time now, but I was still able to do most things by myself like cook or clean, so I thought I was doing pretty well with only having about two weeks to live. I figured I couldn't worry about dying when I was still doing so good, there was no way I was just going to go to bed after a day of being able to clean and cook and do everything by myself and not wake up.