Fighting for a Life

Part Four:

Part Four: 

When the rain start falling, my mood rose up and the smile refused to leave my face as I closed my eyes, reveling in the droplets falling upon my face.  It nearly completely blocked out the sound of traffic, and it washed away the smell of the polluted city.  I felt as if it cleansed me.  

Goosebumps rose on my arms as the chilled air swirled around me and I sat up, wrapping my arms around myself as I stared down the street, waiting and watching, hoping that any moment my boys would come and find me.  Though I didn't want to walk back to the tour bus, I also didn't want to be lost in a city I didn't know any longer. 

But as the minutes ticked by and turned into a half hour, I realized they weren't coming.  Maybe they'd called the car to pick them up and assumed I was back at the bus already, or had someone else come pick me up and was hanging with them.  

I pulled out my phone, groaning as I realize it'd gotten soaked and it was obvious it had no plans to work for me.  

I stayed only a few more moments before gathering up what little strength I had left and beginning the trek home by myself.

***

Shivers wracked my body by the time I'd finally made it back to the bus and I felt on the verge of passing out from pure exhaustion, but still I pushed myself to open the doors and climb the steps to get up in to it.  The boys were all there, Alex was pacing back and forth, his phone up to his ear while Rian and Zack were playing video games.  Jack was nowhere to be seen. 

"Hi.." I closed my eyes, my feet automatically moving myself to sit in a chair as Alex practically jumped out of his skin.  

"I've been calling you, I was worried sick! Where were you? Are you okay?"  

"Relax man, I told you she'd be fine, she's a big girl," Rian smirked, winking at me.  I didn't have the energy to so much as smile back at him, which wiped the smirk right off his face as he stood up and moved to sit next to me.  "You are okay, right?"  

I nodded, still shivering, before yawning.  Pulling my phone back out of my pocket, I tossed it onto the table.  "Broken."  

"Here," Alex muttered, setting clothes in front of me. I hadn't even noticed that he'd left to go get them but I was eternally grateful that he had.  Without caring, I pulled my soaked shirt off (leaving my bra on of course) and pulled on the nice warm t-shirt that was undoubtedly Alex's.

"You need to eat more, I could see your ribs plain as anything when you did that," Zach muttered, his eyes making contact with mine, silently threatening me if I argued about food with him one more time.  Rian nodded in agreement with him, but I ignored them both and simply laid my head against the table.  

"Come on Elle, lets get you into some dry pants and get you to bed, you look ready to keel over." Though it sounded like a joke to anyone else's ears I'm sure, I caught the meaning and worry behind Alex's words.  Pushing myself up out of my seat, I walked over to Alex, who immediately wrapped his arm around my waist in order to help me out.  

"You left me behind and I waited.  My phone got wet and wouldn't work and I'm sorry."  

He helped me out of my jeans and into some fluffy pajama pants before laying down with me in bed and covering us both up.  I cuddled closer, missing the moments when he'd do this in the past.  Every day I had chemo would be a day he'd sleep in my bed, keeping me company and making sure I didn't feel alone.  He had kept me strong during those days, and he still did all he could to keep me strong every day after. 

"I don't feel good.." I let my barrier down, the one that made me act like I was fine all the time, it always came down when it was just he and I.  Finally, after several days, I told him what the doctor had said as we laid in bed together, his arms around my waist and my head buried in his chest.  

He tightened himself around me, pulling me even closer before kissing the top of my head.  

"We have to tell them, Elle, tonight.  We can't keep it from them any longer, you can't hide it from them until the day that you're laying in bed, not moving, not breathing... they're family, they love you, they need to know."  

"I know.."

"I love you, Elliot."  

My heart beat in my chest faster, as they did everytime he said those words to me, despite the fact that I knew he didn't mean it in the same way I did whenever I said it.  He loved me as a sister, as all the band did, and I loved him as so much more. 

He was my world. My everything. My night and day, my hope and happiness, my strength, the only love I'd ever known or will ever know. 

"I love you too, Alexander."

***

That night, I sat in the main room of the bus with all four of the boys.  Alex had made it clear that I had to tell them tonight, and I agreed with him despite how badly I wanted to disagree.  So we called them in, told them we had something important to say.  

"Are you guys dating yet?  Because if you are, Rian owes me forty bucks and Zach owes me fifty," Jack grinned, eyeing Alex and I.  Alex's arm was around me, comforting me as I got ready to tell them what was going on with me.  

It broke my heart, knowing that Jack thought this meeting was over something so  trivial as dating, and it broke even more as I realized how much this was going to break all of them like it had me. 

"No.  It's about...well..."  My eyes watered as my mind fought to make the words exit my mouth, but it wouldn't.  They refused to be said.  I couldn't do it to them, I couldn't ruin their lives.  They'd move on eventually I was sure, but they were in the middle of a tour and here I was about to tell them I was dying, that I'd be dead before Christmas, possibly even before Thanksgiving if things got any worse. 

"Spit it out, already, I'm getting antsy," Zach joked, smiling encouragingly at me as Alex tightened his grip on my shoulders.  

"...I have cancer."  The words had stuck in my throat, coming out garbled but still recognizable.  By the look on Zach, Rian and Jack's faces, they had heard what I said but didn't quite believe the words that I'd spoken.  

"Stage four.  I found out a bit over a year ago.  They told me I'd only have six months to live... its been a year since then, but a week ago, I saw a doctor and he told me I'd be lucky to make it another three months.." 

I kept going, knowing that if I stopped talking, then I'd never say anything else.  I was already crying as I saw their faces fall, saw their hearts break right in front of my very eyes.  Jack abruptly stood up, not even looking back at me as he walked off the bus.  

Rian and Zach stood up as if sychronised and for a moment, I thought they were leaving too, but they stepped up to me and both enveloped me in hugs.  I sobbed against Rian's shoulder as their arms wound around me.  Zach let go and moved away, and I wrapped both arms around Rian's neck as I felt his own tears falling on to my skin.  

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.. please don't leave," I begged both of them, knowing that Jack had already gone and that I wouldn't be able to handle it if either of them did as well. I couldn't even handle Jack's walking away, I felt betrayed by him, and rejected.  

He must hate you, my mind whispered.  

I silently agreed with it.

==

A/N: Ahh.  I'm so tired man ;_;  I hope you guys like it (is anyone even reading this story?).. I feel so sad and i wanna cry for Elliot seriously, it just breaks my heart and ugh.  I once had another All Time Low fan fiction, and I deleted it ages ago, but I was thinking that this story would be a prequel to my other story and I'll just rewrite my other one after I'm finished with this one (which wont be too much longer honestly.  This is going to be a super short story, I'd be surprised if it had 10 whole parts.  

Anyways, hoped you guys liked it.  

Peace and Love,

iJay