Stories Undone, Scars Unseen // Hamilton College AU

Alex (32)

-C

    I idly sit at the table, drumming on my laptop. John just watches me. I don't think I've left this seat all weekend. Class is today though. "What time is it, John?" I yawn.

    He doesn't reply, eyes shifting over to the door to the bathroom.

    "John?" I glance over, rubbing at my eyes slightly. "Come on, I want to know when Washington's class is!"

    Without looking over, he points silently to the digital clock on our wall.

    My vision blurs ever so slightly. "I don't have my glasses on, John!"

    He sighs, looking over. "It's six o eight."

    "Whoa, it's getting early. Heh. I should probably get ready for class. Want any coffee, John?"

    He shakes his head, eyes trailing back to the door.

    "Go check on Molly," I laugh. I get up and immediately go over to the coffee machine. "You clearly want to."

    He makes a sound in the back of his throat. "Yeah." John stands and walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

    What's up with him? I chug the coffee down the moment it's out of the machine. Then, I pull my favorite gray hoodie over my head. Combing my hair back into a bun, I grin. "Maybe we can get breakfast at the Place to Be, John?"

"C-can't," I hear from the bathroom. After that reassuring phrase, I hear a thud.

I throw open the bathroom door shamelessly. "John! You okay?"

He looks up red handed from his spot on the floor, a bottle of pills in his hand. "Go back out."

"W-what are you doing?" I stammer, staring at the pills. Memories threaten to overtake me, but I swallow hard. "Why are you doing that... John?"

He shakes his head. "It doesn't make any sense..."

"What's with the pills...?" I finally squeak out, voice painfully high.

"The pain..." he croaks.

I bite down on my lip, hard enough to draw blood. "But you shouldn't try and end... End it, John. Don't do it... Please... Throw the pills away, John."

"It's not an end... it's temporary... I wish it ended."

"Why? Am... Am I not enough? Am I doing something wrong?" I try to hide my trembles, but it's getting really hard. All I can think of is how everything is falling apart... But it's John. John, the one I have known and liked for a long time... He can't kill himself!

"No..." he shakes his head. "Not you. You... you're too good."

"That doesn't make sense!" It explodes out of my mouth uncomfortably. I go back to fidgeting.

"My head..." He looks up at me, his eyes plagued with hurt. He throws his head back and takes the pills.

I fall to my knees and crawl over to him. "Spit them out!"

He swallows and takes a shuddering breath. "I... It's not... Alex..."

"You..." All of my vision blurs abruptly as fat tears crash down my cheeks violently. "No..."

"I'm not... dying..." he mumbles.

I bow my head, stumbling to my feet. "I... Where's your phone? I'm calling an ambulance."

"Don't," he shakes his head. "It's fine. I'm not dying."

I pounce on him, stealing the pill bottle from him. After all, he's a little... Drugged up right now. I then retreat backwards and start reading the labels. "How many did you have?"