The Drummer || a.i [completed]

60 - last night we fell apart

"See you later, Ash," I said and turned away from him.

"Bye."

He let go of my hand and I walked into the classroom as the bell rang. I sat between Michael and Luke and then Liz Hemmings walked in.

Let's go, Mathematics.

***

"Calum, I'm worried about Ashton," I mumbled.

I was lying on Cal's bed at his house, my legs and arms stretched out as if I was a starfish. Calum had just walked in with glasses of water and a tin of biscuits. I sat up to grab a Custard Cream before he could and then fell back into my star position.

"I know you are," he replied, sitting on the floor and leaning his back against the bed.

"What do you think I should do?"

It was unfair of me to ask him this, and so I should have expected the answer that came from him.

"Break up with him."

I laid there, shocked, for a second, and then sat up. "What, because he's cheating on me? Or because he's depressed?"

"You can't fix him, Octavia," Calum hadn't turned around to face me yet.

"I'm not trying to. I'm just trying to be there for him. Obviously you're not."

I was hurt. I felt like Calum wasn't giving me any justified answers.

"The boys and I are there for him. We knew him as friends before you did, Tavie, we know him better than you do," he replied.

I gave a derisive snort and he finally turned around to see that my eyes had narrowed into slits that could have burnt a hole in his head if I'd wanted them to.

"You know him? You don't know a thing about him, Calum. You boys only became 'friends' with him because you needed a drummer in your stupid band. Luke hated his guts for god knows how long. Yes, I wasn't on good terms with him until I broke up with Luke, but I've learnt more about him in that space of time than any of you even bothered to learn. None of you could be bothered to get to know him! And now look at him... he's alone in a relationship that needs to end but can't. Because if I end it, that's the end of him," I snapped.

"But surely you can-"

"If I break up with Ashton, he'll be totally alone. The only friendship he has stems from a poisonous relationship, and he knows that. And who's fault is that?" I looked at him pointedly.

There was a pause, and then he sighed and faced his bedroom wall again. I laid back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling as he replied to me. "Tavie, you said it yourself, your relationship is poisonous. Maybe if you end it, it'll be the end of him, but so will staying with you."

I closed my eyes and took that in. It was true.

Calum was now in control of my story.

***

I asked Ashton if we could meet up and he said he'd come to my house.

I let him in and we went upstairs. I'd told my mum what I wanted to do and she'd kissed my cheek and said that she'd take dad out. Aaron was still in, but said he wouldn't disturb us unless he was worried.

I wasn't surprised about his concern, and that concerned me.

"Ashton, I want to say something, and I want you to listen without interrupting," I looked him straight in the eyes.

He nodded, sitting on my bed. I sat down next to him and took his hand, looking at my desk as I continued.

"I don't want you to get hurt, and I also don't want to break up with you, but... I'm not good for you. I'm the only person you have... that can't be good," I looked at him and saw he was smiling.

"That's not true. I have Cassidy."

I looked at him questioningly.

"Cassidy is one of my closest friends, Tave, I thought you knew that?"

"No, I didn't. Have you spoken to her recently?"

"Not about anything much, anyway. She's been preoccupied with Michael," he laughed dryly and I leant my head on his shoulder.

"Ash, I don't you to get hurt through our relationship. I love you, and I don't want to be the reason you get hurt," I muttered.

He stroked my hair gently, almost as if he didn't want me to feel his fingers through the strands of red. "You could never be the cause of my pain. If anything, I'll be the one to hurt you."

I shook my head. After a pause, I spoke. "I don't get hurt easily."

He touched his cheek with his fingers and his lips stretched into a small smile. "No, you really don't."

We laid down and I leant my head on his chest as he continued to stroke my hair. Tears came to my eyes and I closed them, trying to fight them back. Ashton didn't notice, and relief washed through me. Something in me had snapped, and I didn't want anyone to know.

"Ashton... if I was in danger of getting hurt because of us... would you break up with me?"

There was a long pause.

I couldn't bear the wait. If he said that he wouldn't, what did that mean? I would do anything to spare him pain. He knew that I would, and if breaking up with him would do that, then of course I would.

If he wouldn't, did he love me less?

"I could never bear to lose you, Octavia."

My heart started beating faster and again tears sprung to my eyes. I just breathed through it and traced patterns on his chest with a shaking hand.

I knew that what Calum had said was true, but could I bring myself to snap Ashton and I apart?

I was procrastinating, a habit I had developed because of projects set in a month's time and maths sheets I could do in a five minute break before the lesson it was due.

Ashton wasn't a project, and neither was he a five minute maths sheet.

But I knew he wasn't my boyfriend anymore, either.