Maybe Once More

Chapter 4

It's Friday. Fucking Friday, meaning that I will have a chit-chat with Mrs. Juliana Wright and she won't be happy about what I'm saying. And all I can talk to her about was probably why I hate Christian, which is so far not helping me in any way. Most of the things I want to say to her would probably make her believe that I should be locked up in a mental ward. I want to tell her why I believe Peter was killed, how he came back. How he lied to me that he killed himself and was not murdered. But I can't.

I thought he will say the truth this time but he just continues to lie to my face which makes me feel as if everything is my fault again. Why is he lying to my face? He kept things from me, but when I figured it out he has never kept on lying to me. We agreed then that he won't lie to me ever again, especially after he lied about his parents. But he had an excuse, and I agree he had been used for his parent's wealth a lot of times.

Now, he had given me this revelation that he is definitely killed by someone other than Christian who I'm kind of guilty towards. I mean when you hate a person for 6 months straight and suddenly realize he's innocent, it's not something I want others to live through. You will probably blame me for accusing him without any evidence but whenever I accused him, Peter never outright told me that it's not true. He just teased me about it which could be that he's acting so I won't think of him as a murderer. Now, I feel so stupid, I mean he would have seen me so pathetic; a person who can't move on; unstable as he put it. I sighed.

But, all in all, the deal offered to him was true, I know for a fact that Peter was killed and he knows his killer. I just don't get why he is protecting them. I mean, it won't be his family and anyone other than a family does this to me, I surely as hell won't protect them.

And peter's reaction to the whole ordeal? He disappeared again.

I still can't believe he is doing this to me. I still remember the first thing I asked him when I saw him. It was the day after his funeral; I had come back to our apartment after spending a day with Ashley.

I entered our apartment and the first thing I saw was the picture of Peter and me, which we had taken on our first date. The picture looked so old. It just reminded me of what I won't have with Peter, a happily ever after. He was giving the camera, his dimpled smile and his blonde hair messed by the wind. I looked so happy. In that picture, my eyes weren't bloodshot, or never had dark circled due to my lack of sleep. And I don't look like an anorexic patient. I looked beautiful, not physically but emotionally. I look as if I had everything in the world.

I gulped down as my throat got constricted telling me if I stare at the picture more, my eyes will be more bloodshot than ever. I went to the sink to wash my face and laid down the bed, hoping that sleep would overcome me. I wish I could hibernate and sleep for 50 years. But no, all I could think was what the last thing I said to him. He had wanted to tag along with me to go to the dress shop.

"Seriously Peter, do you want bad luck? Just go and have some fun" I said

"Please?" he pouted. I honestly had no idea why he wanted to tag along, it's not like he wouldn't see me dressed in it during our wedding. I was wavering in my decision, as he continued giving me the puppy face.

"No," I said and dragged him towards his car.

He got in. "Can I get a goodbye kiss?"

"We both know you won't leave if I gave you that," I said.

Now, I wish I had let him tag along, bad luck is not worse than death. Now, I wish I had known he wouldn't be able to see me in that dress. Now, I wish I had changed my decision. Now, I wish that the last word I had said to him was not 'No'. Now, I wish I had given him that kiss.