The Secret Life...

9

My thirteenth birthday rolled around but nothing really changed. I was still in the same kids home with the same annoying people and I'd long stopped hearing from my parents. My family was non-existent. The workers got me a cake with a few candles stuck in the top, and I grinned and bared an out of tune rendition of 'happy birthday' by a few of the kids before they all fought over the biggest piece of cake. They didn't care about me, they just sang for their supper.

In the last few weeks, I'd gotten closer to Jared and Cooper and they kept me going day to day. I knew after school I could hang out with them and things would be sweet. I felt cool when I hung around with them, like nothing could touch me. They gave me an edge, they pushed me to try different things and I felt my confidence growing day by day.

Everything you learn from your parents usually comes before the age of seven I read somewhere. I'd been in care now since I was five, so I had no idea where my inner self came from. I absorbed the things around me like a sponge, adapting and changing my morals or personality depending on who I was with. I didn't know if Jared or Cooper was always right, but I hung onto what they told me like it was gospel. They were older than me, and they seemed to have a knowledge about everything that I didn't. It was natural that I trusted them.

We were sitting on the porch steps of the home one day, drinking beers and watching all the girls walk past when Jared elbowed me in the ribs.

"Go talk to her," he told me, gesturing toward a young girl coming our way. He must have seen me looking. I was 13, and everything I'd learned about sex and girls so far was from Kristi. I was also harbouring some pretty bad pain when I used the bathroom but I was pretending everything was fine. I had no idea that I was supposed to seek medical attention.

"Yeah, go on Ty!" Cooper added, elbowing me from the other side of the porch step on the opposite rib. Now I was probably sporting a pretty good bruise on either side. I grabbed for the bottle of beer in Cooper's hand and knocked the bottle back in one big swig before wiping my mouth with the back of my sleeve. I needed some liquid courage before approaching a random girl. I was getting pretty good with bravado but inside I was still terrified.

The older boys watched me as I stood up semi-confidently from the porch step of the home and swaggered off toward the passing girl. She was probably about my age, with olive skin and curly brown hair hanging down her back. I could see the skin of her butt cheek peeking out from some daisy duke denim shorts and her chiselled stomach was on show slightly beneath her top.

I thought I was the man when I stepped to her and reached out for the patch of skin peeking from her shorts, but the girl flew around at lightning speed and before I knew it, she'd hit me square in the face. I was only planning on talking to her, but she didn't give me chance. I hadn't yet learned that you could look but not touch. It hadn't even occurred to me. The move caught me off guard and I staggered back as I held onto my now pink cheek.

I heard laugher from behind me on the step and I watched as Jared shot a stream of beer from his mouth onto the sidewalk below before starting to cough.

"Don't worry Ty, she's a bitch anyway!" Cooper shouted out loud, and I couldn't tell whether the girl wanted to beat us up or cry. Either way, her facial expression didn't exactly look happy, and she strutted away quicker than she'd arrived. Like a dog with its tail between its legs, I stepped back up to the porch and took my original position between the boys.

Jared handed me the rest of his beer and proceeded to open a fresh one for himself. I took it appreciately and knocked back the liquid, feeling the familiar warmth return to my body. As I did, Cooper draped his arm around my shoulders and forcefully griped my shoulder blade.

"You've probably got girls to fuck anyway," he said, a mix of a question and a statement all in one. I must have blushed, because Jared put his own hand on my opposite shoulder and pulled me his way to look at him.

"Shut up Coop," he told the other boy, looking me right in my eyes seriously before speaking.

"You've had sex though right?"
I looked at him and simply nodded.

"An' you being safe?"

I continued to look at him but this time I didn't nod. Safe? I wasn't sure what he meant.

"Protection?" he said then, still looking me square in the eye. Still, I didn't respond.

"Shit Ty," Jared said then, sighing as he pulled his hand away from me to take a sip of his beer.

In his absene, Cooper filled in the details.

"You've gotta wear a rubber, dude. My cousin Rico got some nasty infection when he went in raw."

I was still none the wiser what either of them were talking about, and both of them had failed to see my confusion. Apparently, they thought I was being irresponsible in some way.

"Here," Jared said then, standing up from the porch and digging in his pockets. He pulled out a small packet of something and slapped it into the palm of my hand.

"Don't go in without one."

I nodded, staring at the package for a second, reading the writing on the outside. I quickly stuffed it into my pocket and tried to act like I had a clue what we were talking about.

We sat in silence for a second while we all felt the warmth of the liquid we were consuming. Then, Jared spoke again.

"You should probably get tested though if you ain't been safe."
"Tested?" I asked.

"Yeah. You gotta go to the doctor."
I nodded, taking in the information he was giving me. I wondered whether the burning was an infection like the one Cooper's cousin got. You could get infections from sex? Kristi hadn't told me that. I made a mental note that I had to get some kind of test at the doctors, though I wasn't sure what for.

No sooner had I digested the information, we heard the door open behind us, and Miss Gwen from the home was bursting through it.

"What are you boys doing?" she yelled, and Cooper and Jared sprung up like a lightning bolt hit them. They both grabbed their remaining beers and started toward the steps of the porch, racing away from Miss Gwen.

"C'mon Ty!" Jared yelled, and I made the mistake of turning to look at Miss Gwen for a second. She was mad. I had never been caught drinking before, and I panicked. I had a split second to decide whether I was following my friends or staying at the home, and I chose the option I felt was best at that time in my life. Of course I chose my friends. Jared and Cooper were older, and I wanted to fit in with them. I grabbed my remaining beer and raced down the steps of the porch, running as fast as my legs would carry me down the street.