The Secret Life...

7

Kristi was my first introduction to sex. I was so nervous my palms were sweating and I thought I might pass out. I'd been told about sex briefly in school, but there was no detail. I didn't know how things felt or looked or what happened after. Something told me Kristi had done it plenty of times before. It seemed like nothing to her as she guided me through it, telling me where to go and pulling me inside. I couldn't shake the feeling that it was something I probably wasn't meant to do yet. I was only 12 after all. My life up until now had been throwing a ball around outside for fun.

Everything built up inside me like a fire, and then a release came over me, making me feel amazing and pained all at once. I had no clue what was happening. Kristi panicked and told me to pull out, so for a second I thought something was majorly wrong. I forgot about it as she stroked her hand furiously over me, allowing a tirade of liquid to spill. To a kid who has no understanding of ejaculate, it was a pretty freaky experience. She assured me it was normal, and all I could do was believe her.

Just like that, she left me naked from the waist down, alone in my room. She winked at me as she left, quietly whispering "Don't tell anyone" before creeping out quietly and carefully down the hallway. I stared after her in disbelief. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Something told me it was something really wrong, especially after what she just said, but I couldn't take it back.

Over the next few months, Kristi crept in my room late at night, even when she wasn't out past curfew. It got more awkward when another kid started sharing my room. I suggested maybe we shouldn't do it but she laughed.

"He's asleep," she'd whisper. "Besides, it makes it more exciting doesn't it?"

I guess Kristi found fear exciting, because me - all I could think about was getting found out.

After a while, Kristi's visits were the norm. I didn't question her when I saw her kissing her new boyfriend outside the home wall. It wasn't the first boyfriend she'd had, and I doubted it would be the last. I figured she liked attention from boys; it made her feel good. As long as none of them boys found out about me, I wasn't too bothered. Except the time came when one did.

Callum Oliver. He was 16, drove his own car and wore a leather jacket everywhere. I figured his parents must have money 'cause he always looked fresh and rocked the best clothes. Our workers let him have breakfast with Kristi once, and that was the last time they let visitors come over.

Kristi was playing a dangerous game, kissing Callum and playing footsie with me under the table simultaneously. I just let her. I didn't question Kristi's actions, I just brushed them off, not really giving them much thought. She'd done what she wanted so far and I wasn't about to question her now.

"Why do you keep looking at him?" Callum had asked, and I'd nearly choked on my chocolate cereal.

"What, Ty?" she asked innocently, but at that moment she'd looked at me, fluttering her eyelashes as she did, a smirk on her face.

"He's just a fucking kid," he'd spat, and I'd felt every muscle inside me tense up. I hated people saying that.

"Ooooo!" a chorus of voices sounded from the table. The other kids were getting a free reality show re-run.

"He's not," she'd whined at Callum. "Ty's so cute."

I have no idea to this day why she said that out loud. Maybe she was trying to make him jealous. It worked.

"Cute? You fucking him or something?"

Say no. Say no. Deny it.

Kristi didn't utter one word. Instead she pursed her lips in a smug fashion, as if she found the whole thing really funny. Her silence told everyone what they needed to know, and the kids at the table started leaning over, laughing and jeering at the three of us, yelling obscenities at Kristi and myself.

Among the noise, you barely heard Callum stand up from his seat. Instinctively, I stood up from my own chair, ready to duck from his punch. I knew it was coming. I'd seen enough in my life so far to know when confrontation is coming. Instead, I moved at the speed of light, avoiding the punch completely and sending a retaliation punch into his stomach. He doubled over at the shock, the wind knocked him his chest. The other kids were hysterical. They were shouting and laughing and generally acting like wild animals. A fight is a big thing when you're that age. You don't see the seriousness of it. It's entertainment.

There was no time for anything else to happen. Before I knew it, I was being pulled by the shoulder of my t-shirt by a worker. I knew I was in trouble.