// Just a little something different //
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My dearest Lauren,
If you're reading this, you've found my letter. As of right now, I'm writing this to you as you are in the shower because I'm afraid of how you'll react if you know I'm doing this. Just know this isn't goodbye, but a... "I'll see you again, just not for a long time" letter.
As much as it hurts me to say, I'm being deployed to go back overseas with the team in about a month. I know I said that the last time I came home was the last time, but things change so fast in the military and I guess they really needed me. So I have to go. Like I said before, this isn't goodbye. I will be coming home to you and that is a promise I intent to keep.
Of course by the time you're reading this, I've already told you in person, but this letter is incase something does happen to me. We both know the chances are very high and that even if death isn't an option, loosing a limb or something to that extent isn't out of the question. Not only that, but my team and I are like family. If something were to happen to one of them, I can't guarantee my reaction and how I will handle it. I just worry I'll take something out on you that you don't deserve.
So if something like that were to happen, I just want you to know a few things.
I love you so, so much baby girl. Never forget that. No matter how many times I push you away, no matter how distant I may seem, I'll never loose that feeling for you. Never in a million years will that cease. My love for you knows no boundaries and has no limits. It just keeps going and growing everyday. Even when we're apart, so don't doubt that for a second.
Please don't lose that sparkle in your eyes. It's one of the things I love most about you. You just have this look that pours so much passion and love, that it's nearly impossible not to be incapsulated. I swear, every time you look at me, I could melt into your hands like silly putty.
Don't even get me started on your smile. God... I don't think I could live a day without seeing that smile. Especially when you smile into our kisses or into my neck because I truly love how you just radiate happiness all the time. Speaking of happiness, your laugh is one of the most beautiful things about you. It's so contagious and bubbly that I just have to laugh along with you. I love the sound of it, especially when I'm the cause of it because I like knowing I can make you happy.
You're kisses are my favorite. The way you press your lips softly against mine, so slow and caring like your savoring every last moment, drives me crazy. It's so soft and delicate, almost as if you're scared to be too aggressive, but I know well enough that you aren't. I love that you have a soft side and don't deny it... because you do. And it's one of my favorite things about you.
Your hugs are a whole other story because when you put your arms around me, it's like I'm home. They wrap around me so tightly, telling me you never want to let go and I love that feeling so fucking much. I love how you occasionally tuck your nose into the crook of my neck and place soft kisses there and when you put your hands into my back pockets to pull me closer towards you. It's the little things, I swear, that make me fall in love with you even more each and everyday.
So for me, everyday until the day I return, keep that smile on your face all the time so that your cheeks hurt. Please laugh so much that you're gasping for air with each breath. Make sure that you hug your friends, family, fans... whoever, with as much passion as you can give.
My point being, don't be sad over me. That is the last thing I want from you. I want you to be happy. I know you're stubborn and won't want to listen to me, but please, I love it when you're happy and I know everyone else does too. Don't block them out and please don't sit around and mope. They don't deserve that and you don't need to put yourself through that. I know you're strong and I know we'll get through this, together. I love you baby girl and I can't wait to see you again.
Your girl,
Y/N
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