Dear Diary

Chapter 5

Dear Diary,

We spent the day at Haruhi's. It was fun. Haruhi's Dad was awesome. If only my Father was like hers... I think Haruhi's Dad thought that Tamaki was crushing on Haruhi. That's crazy, right? Haruhi is family to Tamaki nothing else.

Am I lying to myself? Does Tamaki really like Haruhi? Why do I care if he does or not? We're just friends. Actually we're not even that. He still hasn't talked to me...

I think I may be jealous. I don't deserve Tamaki's affections, but I crave them. It's frustrating.

Ranka, Haruhi's dad, pulled me aside today. He told me that if I ever need a place to stay or someone to talk too I could come to him. What if he knows? He can't, I've only just met him. Kyoya does talk to him a lot, maybe he said something. But even Kyoya doesn't know exactly what's going on.

Diary, what if everyone finds out?

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Dear Diary,

I met Nekozawa for the the first time a day or two ago. He's very sweet and I'm interested in his club. Tamaki freaked after I asked if I could come to a meeting to see if I wanted to join. It made him finally talk to me. I was so happy, but at the same time I felt that he had no right to boss me around. I yelled at him. Everyone was surprised.

Nekozawa's sister actually came to the Host Club looking for her 'princely' brother. She thought Tamaki was him. That's how I met Nekozawa. Tamaki tried to help Nekozawa be the brother his sister thought him to be and it kinda worked. He wasn't very princely and he couldn't stand the sun light, but he 'saved' his sister from something she was scared of. She knows he's her brother now. Everything turned out okay.

I wonder if I had a sibling would my life be different? Would Father still love me? Would I actually be worth something? Or would we both suffer at the hands of my Father? I guess I'll never know.

Everyone in the Host Club is like family. I don't fit in at all. Even random people that pop in fit in better than me. It's like I wasn't even supposed to be in their lives at all. I want to be accepted by them.

Diary, why is life so hard?

:-------------------:

Dear Diary,

The last three days have been chaotic. Honey got a cavity so Tamaki banned sweets until he got better. Honey has been trying everything to get some kind of sugar and nothing worked.

Honey has tried to play it off at first that he didn't have one and Mori had to pin him down to see if he really did. It was very dominating... and kinda hot. I kept thinking what if it was Kyoya or Tamaki pinning me down. It would never happen. I'm damaged goods.

Honey tried the customers, Haruhi, and pretending that he was all better. Today he snapped. He flung Mori across the room. Turns out Mori was making Honey hate him so he could punish himself. I guess it's something we have in common.

After everything was said and done Tamaki pulled me to the side to talk. He apologized and I called him an idiot before bursting into tears. I'm such a cry baby. He hugged me for awhile and it felt so good. I never wanted to leave his arms.

Diary, do you think I have a chance?

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Chapters done. Whoop.