Holding My Tongue

Perfections in Difference

Half-Blood Prince

Andee sat alone in an empty classroom, window open letting in the cold wind letting it swirl around her, numbing her. Andee wished she could feel numb inside but it was impossible. Instead she felt like the pain would overcome her and Andee was so tempted to give up and let the world pass her by.

Yet there was still things to live for, little sparks of light but it seemed like one side of the moon had fallen clean off and the other couldn't move out of the dark. Elizabeth wasn't moving on and Andee worried about her constantly, she had come home at Christmas to find her mother hadn't slept in days. Now Andee fretted about her letting herself fall ill.

All her time since, since it happened had been spent looking after Elizabeth and Andee hadn't had a chance to grieve herself. She hadn't had a chance to move on, the hurt was still there infecting under her barriers and yet no one knew that under all her smiles Andee felt herself bleeding to death.

Everything had changed since that freezing night, Elizabeth didn't seem to radiate power and comfort like before, now Andee was the strong one and Andee was far from strong. She was scared, upset and lonely. Scared of the rise of You-Know-Who and the death eaters, upset because her father, Sirius was gone and now she seemed more alone than ever.

Somewhere above her in the Gryffindor common room her fellows were celebrating a win. Even with Harry out of the game they had triumphed but Andee couldn't find it in herself to care, she still watched Harry because that was what her family did. She was one of those hidden Potter's and it was her job to watch over her cousin because these days Elizabeth simply didn't care, the job had passed on to Andee.

Everything had passed onto Andee and she felt like she was going to crumple under the weight of so much responsibility. Tears escaped her eyes unbidden and Andee tried to fight them. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry anymore – not since she had returned last summer had she let herself cry. But she had wanted to, oh how she had wanted to break down on her mother's shoulder.

But now Andee was the strong one. It was her turn to get up when she was hurting and help Elizabeth through the darkness because Elizabeth and Andee always made it through, no matter who else fell they wouldn't.

Tears flowed down Andee's cheeks as she thought about her mother and her father and Remus and the Aunt and Uncle that had hurt her parents with their passing.

"Andee?" A voice asked, a voice Andee recognised instantly. It was Dean; he was always there somehow but never quite close enough for Andee's liking. Why wasn't he celebrating? Or snogging Ginny or whatever it was he wanted to do.

"Yeah." Andee replied not turning to look at Dean, not wanting to reveal her tears.

"Are you alright?" Dean asked coming to sit beside her and Andee turned away from him so he couldn't see that her cheeks were wet, her eyes red and sore from crying.

"I'm fine." Andee said shortly not wanting to talk to Dean, but wanting to at the same time. But he was Ginny's boyfriend, ever since Andee had found that out she had tried not to pay any attention to Dean or to listen to the gossip surrounding him. She was doing pretty well.

"No you're not. You're thinking about your Dad aren't you– Sirius Black?" Dean said pressing to the heart of the issue and Andee nodded mutely turning to look at Dean and saw he didn't look too happy himself.

"It's nothing new. What's up with you?" Andee asked not wanting to talk about her father.

"Oh Ginny and Harry –" His voice trailed off and he gave a grim sort of laugh. "Well I suppose it was always coming, but still we only broke up two weeks ago."