Forbidden Love by Law (Phanfic)

Chapter 6

I think I have said this already but I'm so sorry!

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Trigger warning! Skip end if necessary!

Chapter 6

He kept a secret no one knew...

Phil's POV

I had gone home from Dan's a little while ago; still trying to process and comprehend everything he told me. "I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and it was driving me crazy. That's why I attempted suicide" his words played in repeat through my head. He was so good at hiding his pain that I didn't even know something was wrong.

I should have noticed the cloud that was hiding away his beautiful deep brown eyes. There was one thing that was eating away at me; I knew there was something else he wasn't telling me but for now, what he has told me is enough. I glanced at my phone momentarily before picking it up. I scrolled through my contacts for Dan's number, eventually, I stopped on his name and held the phone to my ear.

I waited patiently for him to pick up after four rings his answering machine started. "Sorry, I can't answer your call. I'm probably procrastinating, or I'm too lazy to pick up so leave a message, and I will hopefully get back to you". I laughed slightly at his voice mail, to think, he sounds so normal and cheerful. I quickly left a message "Hey Dan, it's Phil. Just making sure you're okay and hope to talk to you soon, bye."

I hung up and placed the phone on my bed. I hope he's okay. I decided that it wont do me any good worrying about something I'm unsure of. So instead I got changed into my pj's and slept. I'll see Dan tomorrow at school anyway. Then I'll finally be able to get some decent sleep. With thoughts running wild inside my mind, I tried hard to sleep. It didn't come easy and after about 5 hours of constant tossing and turing, I finally fell into a deep sleep.

--time skip—

It had been about four days now and still no sign of Dan. It stated to worry me because after the recent events I was concerned that he had been hosptialized or worse. Now its Friday, last day of the week. I did my usual routine. Walk along the path to school and ignore the insults and offencive words thrown at me.

I was approching the school grounds when I saw a farmilar face sitting with two others friends of mine. Joe and Casper. My pace fastened and my blood boiled with anger, he turned and gave me a light smile. I ingored it, "hey Phil" he said. "Don't 'hey Phil' me, were where you Dan?" I asked sternly, Dan stared at me shocked, so did Casper and Joe.

"I'm sorry Phil. Mum broke her leg and I had to stay home and help around the house...." He was lying, that was evident. I grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the others. "Dan. I know your lying. What's your real reason?" he was once again shocked that I had caught him out.

"That... is the truth" he said hesitating a bit. "Your hesitation indicates otherwise. Dan, are you avioding me?" he looked hurt at the question but then sighed and gave up. "I don't want to talk about it" was all he said before pushing past me, there was no way he was leaving. Not like this.

I grabbed his wrist and he turned around, his eyes clouded over. It was like a cool winters moring with a light layer of fog covering the land. "Dan... are you taking those sessions with your father again?" I dared to ask, but I had to.

His whole attitude changed towards this question, he was no longer kind and caring Dan. He had been replaced by a cruel and lying Dan. Something has changed. "I don't have to tell you everything Phil. Just leave me alone" he ripped his arm out of my grasp and stormed off.

Joe and Casper came running over to me, I was determined not to cry because I'm sick of crying. "Phil, you okay?" Casper asked and I just nodded. "What happened? All we saw was Dan storming off" Joe asked as we walked to class. "I don't know, but somethings changed. He not usually like this".

--Time skip—

Dan's POV

What I did to Phil... it was horrible. I know I shouldn't have snapped at him like that, he's only concerned for me. Fact is, I was avoiding Phil. Ever since he found out, I refused to leave the house. I wouldn't even leave my room.

I forced myself to tell Phil everything. I don't know why but I felt like I had to but at the same time I wasn't ready. After him learning that I'm schizophrenic and suicidal; I didn't want to see him.

I had to sort out my feelings. Feelings I knew didn't belong in a Howell. I avoided Phil's question for one simple reason; I'm taking Dad's sessions again. I pulled up outside my house, shutting off the engine.

I leaned forward and rested my arms on the steering wheel. I placed my head on my arms and tilted it down so I was looking at my legs. There was one thing going through my head, I'm a Howell, and Howell's aren't and have never been gay.

I opened the door and exited the car, closing and locking it behind me. After walking up the pathway I entered my home. The navy blue four wheel drive parked in the drive way indicated that Dad was home but Mum was still out.

I was about to call out to Dad when the voices returned. Don't do it Daniel, he'll be mad. Don't listen to them, listen to me Dan, tell him your home. No. Yes. No. Yes. Don't. Do it. They continued to tourment me, i've had enough. SHUT THE FUCK UP! PISS OFF! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I yelled in my head.

The voices snicked, poor boy, he never learns. What you don't realize is that you let us enter in the first place. We came because you wanted us to. We are the different sides of yourself. One was added by not your father, but you.

You're wrong! I didn't let you in! I never wanted this! No one would want this. Ever! What makes you think that anyone would want this? It was too late they had disappeared. I sighed and went up to my room, I sat on the other side of my locked bathroom door. Sitting on the floor, I thought back to when I found out that Phil cut.

I was so hurt and mad. He kept that from me and i didn't understand why he would ever cut. I, myself, held in my hand a long, silver blade. My shirt lifted, fresh and old scars lining my stomach. My personal art gallery, art unseen by everyone but me. I added more art to the gallery and it became even more beautiful as more dark red paint was added to the canvas and the paint brush not stopping.

This is my secret... no. it's our secret. I finally accepted the voices that lived in my head and instead of fearing them, I embraced them. I listened closely, they soothed my sleep and kept me company. Over that time, I slowly drifted away from exsitance. Becoming nothing more than a ghost in human skin, i'm not really living. I'm just... breathing.

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Okay, okay, dark corner I know. But imagine writing the last part listening to the songs Baby don't Cut and Stolen Innocence. That kinda helped... idk but I seriously do recommend B-Mike J

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