Bringing You Closer To Me

Chapter 27

‘Miss Davis.

 

I remember that day last year in class when you told us that “Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition.” This is true for me. My condition is simple. I’m just not normal. I’m not like anyone else and some may say this is a good thing. In fact you have on many occasions. But it indeed is not. I will never fit in or be accepted by my peers and I have come to terms with that.

I know what you would say if I ever told you how suicidal I am. I can hear your voice now,  ‘You’re an intelligent, gorgeous young girl who’s going places. Unlike these idiots.’ You’d joke to try and lighten my sprits slightly. But I’m not, am I? I’d retort. The only place I’ll be going is heaven. Well, maybe more like hell. Not that I’m religious, I don’t really know how this stuff works. Anyway, I know you would try to stop me and make me feel better. But I don’t want to be stopped. I can’t take this anymore.

 

It’s like I sit in my lessons and I’m aware of what’s going on but I can’t pay attention. As much as I might try, the concentration that was once there is no longer.

But English helped me to understand a little how I was feeling. The books and poems and texts you made us read and analyse, gave me the insight that I’m not alone. That I’m not the first person to feel this way and that I certainty will not be the last. I take some comfort in that. So thank you.

Thanks for being there, always being a listening ear and for having my back.

 

Sorry to disappoint you, but I’ll never be what you expect me to be. In reality, there’s no hope left. But this way I can be at peace.

 

So I will leave you with a favourite of yours; “They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.” – Kurt Cobain.

 

Nicole xx’

 

‘Jennel.

You always say how things will get better. But they only got worse and I cant bear the thought of sticking around on the off chance something good will happen.

You were protecting me and helping me the first day you met me. You didn’t know who the hell I was and yet you helped me. For that you are a truly amazing person.

I know that Josh is safe with you. And he trusts you know which is an amazing thing for him to be able to do.

You and Demi taking us both in, is the best thing to happen to me. I don't know how to express the enormity of the gesture you both made to us, but it was huge. And without it, god knows where we would be. Probably at home, starving and beaten. Thank you. I can't say those two words enough to you.

I know that you're going to be there for Demi, I know she's going to need you. But I also know you well enough to know you'll try not to let your emotions show. You'll try to be strong for Demi. Whilst there's nothing wrong with that, don't bottle it up. Talk to her. She understands more than anyone I've found. 

And another thing, if you don't wed Demi, I will make it my mission to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life. Neither of you function properly without each other. Follow your heart, be a little crazy and spontaneous. Be happy.