The Football Girl

Chapter 28: It hurts so much

Alex POV

I sit in the hospital room staring at the wall. It was hurting so much. My body felt broken, but I needed to pull through. Everyone was counting on me. They all were waiting for me to come out of this. But I couldn't I was hurt, I can barely look at any other males. I'm not safe, I hate it. I could feel my world changing around me. People were thinking I was so fragile. The thing is, I'm not fragile. I am just broken for a short amount of time. I heard the door open.

"Alrighty Alex time for lunch. We have cheese burger and french fries. With a DR.Pepper. Okay eat up sweetie." The nurse left and I stared down at my food. I took a bite out of my food, it tasted good I just wasn't hungry. I could still see the way his eyes were looking at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I was to into my thoughts to hear anyone come in. 

"Hey princess how are you doing today?" I look up at my dad. He was in as much pain if not more. He was hurting for me. 

"Better." 

"That's good, Little Jon wants to come see you. Is that okay?"

"Yeah." Then I hear little footsteps come in.

"Sissy!" 

"Hey bud." He jumped on my bed. 

"I miss you!"

"I missed you too." Then he started talking about something but I wasn't paying attention. I was in deep thought. Little Jon didn't know what really happen. Who would tell him? Would it be me? I started to tear up. 

"Sissy what's wrong? Did someone hurt you? Do I need to hurt them?" Tears started falling down.

"No bud, I'm fine just thinking about stuff. I think the guys handled it." His face was so pure and innocent. I would never ever let anything bad happen to him. I don't blame the guys for what happened. I blame myself, I should of known better then to go outside by myself. 

"Alex?" I look to see my dad. 

"Hm?" 

"The guys are going to be coming by later. If you want?"

"Sure." 

"Well I have to get going. I love you sweetheart." 

"love you too." Then he leaves me in my own thoughts. 

It's funny how the world tells you that if you keep yourself covered then nothing is going to happen. Don't provoke them, don't flirt or show any emotion towards each other. I didn't show anything towards him. I told him no, I screamed, I hit him. Nothing. I did everything they told me to do, it did me nothing. They lied, they all freaking lied. Why? Why did they all lie to me. I screamed into the air, to no one. I was so hurt by that man. Why did he do this to me?

"I don't want to do this anymore. I just want it to go back to normal. How could this happen to me? I've did everything I could to prevent this. I wore clothes that covered everything." I could feel the tears going down my cheeks. I was so angry at myself for letting this happen. I should of been better prepared.

*knock knock*

"C-come in." The guys came in one by one. They all looked beat.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"It's not the same without you. When are you getting out of here?" asks Brandon.

"I don't know probably not for awhile. Right now I'm on suicide watch. They think that I am going to do something. But I'm not going too I have too much to live for. What would the point of killing myself because I can't deal with the pain? I would just be passing the pain to someone else." They all look at me, with sympathy in their eyes. 

"But Alex, we know what happened we wouldn't judge you if you took time to get over it." says Drake. I was starting to get angry. 

"I'm not some fragile china doll. Stop treating me like one!" 

"Alex we know it's just-"

"No you don't know! Do you know what it feels like to be torn like in half. Taking my innocence. Screaming for him to stop. Him just smiling, laughing at me struggling. Feeling numb inside don't know how you are going to face the world. Afraid of every man that walks near your door. Don't know how to carry yourself. I was so confident, now I'm just broken. It was all my fault I shouldn't of walked outside by myself. I should of stayed where I was at. I should of been smarter." I could feel the tears falling down my cheek. I felt a hand on my hand. I look up and Ashton is holding my hand. 

"Babe, I understand that you feel this way. We will get through this together. We are here through thick and thin." They all gathered around me and they hugged me. I could feel my body shaking I was crying so hard. The doctor shortly came in. 

"Excuse me guys, I need to talk to Alex alone please." They all leave and she sits in front of me.

"Alex, I wanted to give you some good news and bad news." 

"Alright."

"Good thing is that you aren't pregnant, there isn't any STD in you. But the bad thing is you have some damaged and scarred tissue. So we are going to let you go home in a couple of days. But otherwise everything is good."

"Will I be able to do football?"

"Yes you should be able too. But I recommend you to see a therapist, at least twice a week." 

"Thank you doctor." She smiled then walked out. After that the boys went home then I started to fall asleep. But I was starting to have a nightmare.  I was moving around.

"NO GET OFF ME!! STOP IT!! STOP!!!" 

"Alex? Alex! Wake up!"