little miss behzinga // sdmn

thirty two

I was rudely awoken by a buzzing noise and rubbing my eyes, I sat up. The memories of the previous day flooded back and jumped out the bed, making sure was Harry was alive.

I shook him vigorously until he opened his blue eyes which made me sigh in relief.

"Beth! It's okay, I'm here" Harry shushed me, grabbing my arms. I took one look into his eyes before bursting into tears.

"Shush" he whispered before hugging me tightly.

I wiped my face and pulled away.

"I-I'm gonna go get the boys up and see how they're doing-g" I stuttered quietly. He nodded and I walked out.

After waking all the boys up, I sat down in the room they had stayed in overnight and got out my phone.

Nothing from all of us had been tweeted since Simon had tweeted about the accident.

miniminter: Sorry to say Harry and Josh have been involved in a car accident, not sure on any conditions yet. Everyone please send their wishes.

I took a deep breath before going onto the Camera app and flicking onto video. Propping up the phone, I clicked the record button and sighed.

"Hi guys. So as you guys will know, Josh and Harry were involved in a car accident yesterday in which they were hit sideways by a car under the possession of a drug driver. They both went into emergency care straight away but the car went into the drivers side so it had the most impact on Josh." I stated, trying not to cry desperately.

"But last night, Josh sadly p-passed away from heart failure. They-y couldn't save him and I'm happy to say I was the person who sat by him and spoke to him as he left us. But he's up there with the big guys now in heaven and I'll love him forever and ever-r"

I choked on the last word and began to cry again.

"Harry is awake now and should be out of hospital soon I hope." I coughed out as I was still crying. "But I just wish it was was me and I know he'd be so mad at me for saying that."

I breathed unsteadily.

"Rest in Peace Joshy, I love you so fucking much" I cried before smacking my hand over my mouth, breaking down fully.

I stopped the recording and opened Twitter.

mynameisbef: I'm so sorry. I love you Joshua William Lewis.

I opened the door and sat on the silver metal bench.

All I really wanted was for it to swallow me up.

*lil time skip*

"Ethan, I really don't want him in the fucking car!" I shouted in the hospital reception, making everyone turn to look at me. I looked down at my feet.

"Beth, I promise you it will be fine. Simon will drive slowly" My brother said, grabbing my hands.

"For god's sake" I mumbled.

"Have I ever broken a promise?" He questioned, raising one eyebrow.

"No" I sighed.

"Exactly."

I flashed Ethan a smile before pulling my hands away and walked towards Harry who was on crutches since he had broken his knee cap.

"We need to get going" I smiled at him even though it pained me to see him incapable. I'm just glad his bones will heal and he won't be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

I walked along side him and held the door for himself the made his way out of the hospital.

I couldn't help but get scared at the thought of Harry being in a car again. Who knows what would happen? And as the harsh colour of Si's red Range Rover came into view, I could feel anxiety rising in my throat.

My brother slipped his hand into mine and squeezed it. 

This reminded me that I was going to be strong.

For Josh.

I breathed and slid into the back seat of the car.

Ethan and Si helped Harry into the seat the left of me. Tobi sat on my right.

The car journey was silent and Harry held my hand the whole ride.

It felt weird. This wasn't us anymore.

We'd all changed because of Joshy.

I watched the world fly past, looking up at the sky. What Tobi told me yesterday replayed in my head:

"It'll take time, but we're gonna be okay."

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Finally an update!

Sorry for making everyone CRY in the last chapter :(

17k is the maddest thing ever!

Thank u guys x

Beth x