A Year of Stories (Collection Four)

Eating With Friends

"So how much food do we have left?"

"That depends a lot on what you categorize as food."

"I stopped being picky weeks ago Arland."

"Definitions are important Kelvin, we've been over this."

"We've been over everything, but yes, I understand..."

"I'm glad."

"What I understand is that even though we're wasting away on some Asteroid out in the black, where the best case scenario is that we starve to death before the radiation bakes our brains, you just can't help 'keeping class,' can you?"

"Kelvin..."

"Don't 'Kelvin' me, whatever, it's my fault for shooting myself out into space alongside Terra's most poorly funded research scientist."

"That's not true..."

"Yea, I'm sure there are some children in there somewhere, but I doubt that you're too far behind..."

"Didn't you have a question?"

"Did I? Oh yea, that's right, I asked you something simple, and you were about to force me to re-write my dissertation to get an answer..."

"I just wanted to know what you consider food, it's not as straightforward as you seem to believe it is. Human beings can 'eat' all sorts of things. Though we can't digest most of it, and can draw nutrition from even less, but..."

"How about this, food is anything I can chew, swallow, and that will keep the voices in my head that are telling me to punch holes in your suit at bay."

"In that case, we have about four hundred and fifty pounds of Soy protein, about the same amount of complex carbohydrates in various powders, and..."

"And? Don't tell me you're hiding a Turkey in there somewhere..."

"Not exactly..."

"Then what are you 'anding' about Arland?"

"Listen, I don't want you to get the wrong idea here, but strictly by the definition you gave me, we probably have about ... say, a hundred and thirty pounds or so of meat available to us as well..."

"You packed nearly a hundred and fifty pounds of meat on a space ship? Do you have a small lamb in there somewhere that I missed?"

"Technically, we both packed it..."

"I'm not following...wait..."

"People have a lot of misconceptions about cannibalism..."