A Year of Stories (Collection Four)

Drink With Me at the End of the World

Call One

"Good afternoon Mr. Hasek, my name is Benjamin and I'll be assisting you with your account. For your safety, if I could start by getting your birthday..."

"I'm not paying."

"Excuse me?"

"This is account services, right?"

"Yes, if there's some problem with billing, I'm sure I can help, I just need to get your..."

"There's no problem."

"Then...may I ask what you mean?"

"Over the last three days, I've run up about $24,000 on the card I have with you people. I'm just calling to tell you that I don't plan on paying it."

"Sir, are you interested in refinancing your debt?"

"No. I'm interested in using as much of your fake money as I can get away with, until your company cuts me off, at which point you'll never hear from me again."

"I wouldn't recommend that sir, late payments can have an adverse affect on your credit rating."

"And I suspect that non-payments are worse."

"Yes...I'd say so. Mr. Hasek, is there some sort of problem we should know about? An emergency? We have payment programs in place for..."

"Do you like your job Benjamin?"

"I love my job..."

"Is that true, or are you just saying that because we're on a recorded line?"

"I don't see what this has to do with your account, sir."

"You've been watching the news, haven't you?"

"I have..."

"Then you should understand why I'm not paying you or anyone else."

"Mr. Hasek, we don't know anything for certain, there's still a chance that the situation could change..."

"And if it does, I'll worry about fixing my credit, until then, I'm going to keep spending your money, if you don't mind."

"Mr. Hasek, I don't think..."

"You should."

"Excuse me?"

"Think Benjamin, you should think about how you're going to spend the next couple of weeks, because sitting on a phone helping idiots who don't know how to budget seems like a waste of a perfectly good life."