Holding Our Hearts

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

(A/N: Wait till you finish the chapter before you decide whether to murder my ass or not por favor... Onward!)

"I...uh, hi," I mumbled, looking down and tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. He looked like hell had dragged him through the worst places. And maybe, just maybe, I hated myself for thinking that even though he had sunken eyes and dry lips, I still loved to see him. I hate him so much for the love of God, but it was like a smack in the face to see him. It was refreshing. It was there. It was real. Clearing my throat, I spoke up before he could respond. 

"I'm going to go drop my bags off in my room. Please let me know when we're going to eat. I'm a little tired, so I think I'm going to sleep." I gave everyone a weak smile and walked towards the room at the end of the hall. I opened the door and shuffled through, bags and all, trying to avoid the awkward tension still wafting through the air. Once inside, I shut the door quickly and slid down the door. My heart was pounding against my chest and I fucking hated it. I fucking hated he still had this type of effect on me. I told myself that maybe, I was going to be able to let him go and move forward. Now, I'm not so sure. I'm not so sure if I want to let him go.

I took my hair out of my messy bun and decided to take a shower. I got out a light pink tank top and some shorts from my suitcase, knowing I had to unpack at some point. With that, I grabbed my phone and my small wireless speaker from my backpack and padded over to the bathroom. Stepping inside, I shut the door quietly and turned on the Bluetooth on my phone, linking it to my speaker. Roses by Shawn Mendes came on and I took in a deep breath. I took off my shirt and looked at my tattoo in the mirror, tracing it slightly with my finger. Shaking my head slightly, I took off the rest of my clothes and got into the shower. 

The warm water hit and rolled off my back, not doing anything to relax the tension in my shoulders. I let the water continue to pound against my body, resting my forehead against the tiled wall. I hated him. I hated him because I still loved him. As damn fucking insane as that sounds, I hated him for it because he was so toxic yet so beautiful at the same time. I didn't have to hear him explain or talk to know that he went through so much. All of it because of me. I loved him and for that, I wanted to cry and scream and pound my head against the damn wall. I cried. I cried because I could and that's all. I cried because I didn't want to cry about him. He was everything I hated and wanted at the same time and sadly, I just couldn't seem to rip him out of every single one of my senses.

Katia was the one who snapped me out of my emotions, pounding on the door of the bathroom screaming about how they'd be waiting for me by the lake in the back of the hotel. Sighing, I got out of the shower after quickly scrubbing my body, lathering my hair and rinsing off. I took my time getting dressed, debating whether I should meet them out there at all. After about 15 minutes of debating, I grabbed my phone and room key and left the hotel room. As I made my way down, I noticed the hotel itself was breathtaking and homey at the same time. It made me feel a little better. It made me a little less tense. When I reached the large glass paneled doors that lead to the large man-made lake in the back, my breath staggered a bit before I made the choice to go out. Hopping down the stone steps, I walked over to the table where everyone was sat at. My mom smiled up at me and Katia waved, her cheeks plumped up from the food that was in her mouth. I chuckled and pulled out the empty chair between them too, not looking up at Jake who was staring at me. My stomach growled slightly while I looked over the menu, earning a small chuckle from across the table. From Jake. I snapped my head up and stared at him, raising an eyebrow. 

"Am I amusing to you?" I scoffed, rolling my eyes. He shrugged with a small smile playing at his lips and went back to eating. Huffing, I called over the waiter and ordered a cheeseburger. The first five seconds of silence after that killed me, so I stood up and made my way over to the wooden dock on the lake. There were about 8 wooden pillars on each side, I'm assuming to tie the boats or something. I decided to climb up the last one, the one closest to the water and I stood there. Balancing myself in a silence not as awkward as the one I've been avoiding. Well of course until I heard someone behind me. I turned around only to find Jake balancing on some of the pillars trying to make his way over to me.

 "May I ask what you want?" I asked, crossing my arms. 

"Well I want you but, since that's not gonna happen anytime soon, I'll settle for a conversation." He answered, looking at me with a cheeky smile. I rolled my eyes and turned back around, facing the lake.

"You know, I called. I texted. I tried Lenne. I really did." He said, making me tense up and turn around. 

"I didn't ask you to that's the thing, Jake. I never asked you to try. I wanted you to set me free. I wanted you to leave me alone because it makes it all the easier to hate you. It makes it so much easier on me dammit. You don't fucking get that you idiot. You don't get that when I said leave me alone, I mean leave me the fuck alone. You're so infuriating. Jesus Christ!" I snapped at him. Without another word, he grabbed my face and kissed me. It took me a moment or two to realize what was happening and push him away from me. It took me a moment to realize I'm supposed to hate him. So I pushed. Maybe a little too hard because in the moment I opened my eyes, I heard a splash. I looked over at him, coming up to the surface and wiping his face, and quickly hopped off the pillar. I ran over to the table and sunk in my chair, ignoring the awkward glances from my mom and Katia. But I'll be damned if I let me fall for him or with him again. 

Who the hell was I kidding? It was more like I'll be damned if I let myself show him that I was still deeply, madly, and painfully in love with him.

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Hello Peaches, how'd you like it? I know it was pretty anticipated and I took my sweet, sweet time but I promise I have my reasons. My classes are killing me and I'm kind of tired of being a sleep deprived zombie so I decided to catch up on all the sleep I've been missing. But, enough with excuses. Did I do the waiting time justice? Honestly, I'm kinda happy I waited because I wasn't sure what I was going to write. That being said, I felt so many things writing this and that's the reason I've kept writing for so long. I feel or have felt these things and when I write this, it's real. I promise you it's real. Anyways, what do you think about Jake's persistence? What is your opinion on Lenne's shower thoughts? And lastly, what about the kiss?? Love you guys and I'll probably update this upcoming week or the week after. -Aime