The Thirdwheel (COMPLETED)

Part 15

T I A N A ' S

Ilang oras na akong nakatunganga, that I know. Dahil nang nakabalik na ako sa huwisyo ay nasa loob na ako ng silid namin ni Camille. And it was already dark out.

Buntis ako.

When I caught sight of my own reflection, hindi ko na mapigilan ang pag-sabog ng samu't saring emosyon. I wasn't even a college graduate yet, and I was already onto my pregnancy's final trimester. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. Napasabunot nalang ako, and rolled on the bed, wauling in consternation.

Fuck, I can't do this.

"Tia!" Camille turned the lights on and practically sprinted towards me. She looked frightened as she pulled the medicine tablet from my grip. I saw her sighing in relief nang mabasa kung anong gamot 'yon, before I buried my face on the pillow. Humahagulhol na sa napakaraming rason.

"How can I be pregnant!" sigaw ko sa unan. I didn't care about the fat tears and my disgusting snots anymore. "I cannot be pregnant!"

"Oh, but you are, Tia." aniya, naramdaman kong umuga ang kama. "Pregnant, loved and well-fed."

Inangat ko ang aking mukha para silipin siya. My cousin looked composed as she smiled daintily at me, may hawak na ngayong isang mug ng tubig. I scrunched my face. Camille took a quick glance at me bago nilapag ang mug sa aming side table.

"You know what? I'm feeling chatty tonight, so I might as well take advantage of your bashfulness," may pinindot siyang kung-ano, leaving only a standing lamp on to illuminate the entire room. She cleared her throat. "You know what my biggest issue was, growing up? Piety."

Inalis ko na ang pagkakabaon ng aking mukha sa unan.

"Is this an opening statement for TEDtalk?" I sobbed. "I am not in the right mind for this, Cams."

Tinampal niya ang unan ko at mahinang humagikhik. Napalabi naman ako. Look at my cousin... mukhang nasisiyahan pa sa mga nangyayari.

"What I'm saying is, I know you grew up conscientious and kind. Pero baka nakakalimutan mo, Tia, we weren't raised to abide old traditions. Or to live in strict religious conservatism. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit parang nakokonsensya ka pa riyan sa dinadala mo." Camille sighed. "Being pregnant is not a sin."

I sat up. Mabilis naman akong inabutan ng isang box ng tissue ni Camille.

"It's not that, Cams..." sabi ko, blowing my nose. "Can you believe it? Buntis ako! Buntis ako, and I am about to give birth sooner than I was informed! Anong kategorya ng katangahan ito? I am already withchild these past months, and I didn't even feel it. Kailangan pang may magsabi noon sa akin!"

I waved my hands in front of me, wanting to touch the elephant in the room, but also scared that I might accidentally smack my own belly with my uncontrolled tensed gestures.

"I do not know how to take care of myself, at simula palang ay pabigat na ako. How am I even qualified to take care of—of another me? Of... of! An extension of myself!"

I tiredly dropped my arms, letting panic and logic connive with one another, hoping one of them would magically tell me everything's going to be permanently okay and give me tonight's peace of mind.

"Ano bang alam ko? I am just a hare-brained 19-year old who doesn't know any better. Who depends her own life on other people, because she cannot even walk safely on her own feet!" I snapped. "And you know what's worst? I am sick, Cams. I am incurable and contagious... at siguradong mamanahin ito ng anak ko! I am mentally invalid, and I should've been disqualified from motherhood a long time ago..."