To Blaze; From Mello

Dear Blaze,

Um… Hi. It’s me, Mello. You know, the insane chocoholic you loved to tease. Heh, good times, good times… Um… I don’t know where to start… the beginning I guess. You will probably never see this… yea, there’s no way in hell I will let anyone else see this piece of paper. So I guess I’m writing this for myself really… you know, therapeutic reasons… I’ve heard it helps you know, writing a letter, sending an email, basically writing something that no one will ever read, that only you will know about. It helps, I guess… its December 13th today, my birthday. Yay… I’m enthused… you know, I’ve never been one for birthdays, but you were always the one who would do anything for a chance at another celebrations… your second cousins pet turtles 6 montheversery of its first escape… remember that one? It was apparently ‘tradition’ to fill Rodgers bed with turtles... I’m not so sure about that… but hey, it was fun. And who am I to pass up a chance to piss off Rodger in the sake of tradition? It’s also the… dayaversary I guess of when we first met… 6 years, 9 months, and 23 days… but hey, who’s counting? Yea… as you would constantly repeat… I need a life. I remember when we first met. I was low on chocolate, and, as you would so constantly remind me, ‘PMSing’ people used to think that because you said it, they could get away with saying it too… oh how wrong they were. But anyway, I’m getting distracted. I was in a bad mood, not enough chocolate, I had come second AGAIN! And I was stalking the halls for my newest victim, when you came in. covered head to toe in blood and bandages, all you could see were your eyes. Your purple eyes. Matt and I are the only ones who know, to this day, that they were natural (apart from your parents of course) but hey, there’s another thing I will take to my grave… which brings me to another point… I will probably be there soon, this Kira case isn’t working out too well, its either me or Near. One person, or the whole of the SPK, Kira special team, and I guess, every known criminal in the world. So I think I should do this. I’m sorry. But hey, let’s get back to the happy subjects (oh jeez I am getting distracted a lot today…) your eyes, showing through the bandages… they were so sad. I could tell you were sad… it probably didn’t help that I called you a mummy… but hey, it made you look happy… for a moment. I wish I could see you happy again, I really do. Imagine my surprise when the bandages came off and you went from depressed little mummy to happy insane freak… okay, so maybe not freak. Well… actually, yea, let’s stick with freak.

Mello chuckled sadly, they were good times, good memories. Well, I guess all the memories they shared were good, well, became good. She was brilliant at cheering people up. All their memories were good… apart from the fight.

 I wish it had never happened, sometimes I stay up late at night (let me rephrase that, I ALWAYS stay up late at night, thank you for fucking up my sleeping patterns you nocturnal bitch… some therapist would probably say it’s a form of ‘holding on to you’ or some shit like that, but I really don’t care anymore, not since that guy told me to ‘let go’)but sometimes I stay up late, and wonder what would have happened if we didn’t have that fight, if I didn’t say all those things that I didn’t mean. It was such a stupid thing to fight over… to lose you over. I think about what would have happened if you never left. We would probably sit around doing coupley things, even though we’ve never really been a couple… That’s another one of my regrets, never asking you out.

Silent tears started to run down Mello’s face. He remembered the night of the fight so clearly. Reliving it every night in his nightmares, though sometimes his head was replaced with one of a rabid dog. Suitable…

I’ve been getting better; I haven’t shot a prostitute in a week! But hey, I’m sure that will change by the time you read this, if you read this, which you won’t. But hey, baby steps. Heh, you used to say they were the only types of stepped I COULD take with my pants. Those were good times, I miss them. Matt left you know, after you did. He couldn’t take it, mainly because I became a total jackass, well, have become. I’ve been taking my frustrations out on Near, I know, now there is a shock! I held a gun to his head the other day, but I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t pull the trigger. So Matt left, I don’t blame him, I never could. But it’s been hard… lonely. Without you. I’m the big ol’ mean mafia lord, with no one to talk to. I’m going to follow him, find him. (Matt) I can’t do it anymore, I need someone there, with me… when I go.