"I hate it!" Roman whined. Alex rubbed his temples when the prosthetic leg was thrown to the floor.
"Okay," The prosthetist sighed. "Does it feel loose or too tight? Is it-"
"It's ugly and I hate it," Roman snapped. Alex gave the man an apologetic look and asked for a moment of privacy. The middle aged man quickly obliged. Once the door was closed behind him, Roman blushed slightly under Alex's glare.
"That was so incredibly rude! I can't believe you'd act like that! You're a grown man, not a cranky toddler! We need to know if it's going to fit right, Ro. I know you're scared, but-"
"You don't know anything!" Roman shouted. His jaw clenched and his eyes watered, but he showed no signs of backing down on the matter. Alex didn't reply. Instead, he sat on the rolling stool next to the exam table and pulled out his cell phone.
His thumbs darted across the screen and his brow would occasionally furrow. The tip of his tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on his screen, but he never said a word. After a few minutes Roman found himself groaning.
"What are you doing?" Roman mumbled. Alex glanced up briefly before tapping his screen once more.
"Playing a game. Waiting for you to quit being a whiny baby. I'm freaking hungry, so hurry it up."
Roman stared at him blankly for a moment before he cautiously reached for the leg next to him. Alex smiled softly as he crossed the room and opened the door. The middle aged man in the hallway looked flooded with relief as he entered.
Alex waited quietly while the man showed Roman how to put on the leg and gave him tips. Roman would only simply nod. He was paler than normal and his hands were shaking enough for his anxiety to be obvious.
"Now I'll have you stand. Show me anyplace it hurts or is uncomfortable. A good fit is very important."
Roman looked to Alex, receiving a reassuring nod before he began to edge his way off the table. His expression contorted into a mixture of mourning, sadness and anger before he was even standing fully. He grasped the table for safety as he wobbled and collected his bearings.
His eyes flickered to the full length mirror on the wall. Alex watched intently as Roman took in the sight. His adam's apple bobbed with every hard swallow and his shoulders steadily tensed and relaxed until he finally spoke. It was hard to miss the glossy look in his eyes or the way his voice cracked as he spoke but no one pointed it out. He just needed a moment.
"It hurts a little here," Roman croaked as he pointed to an area near the top.
"Like a pinch?" The man asked casually. Roman nodded and Alex smiled.
Roman refused to use his crutches and leg when they left. Alex didn't fight him. Instead, he kissed Roman firmly on the lips before pushing his wheelchair through the crowded parking lot and helping him into the car.
***
Roman sat on the couch staring at the TV while Alex cooked a late lunch. He had zero desire to move or start a conversation. His heart felt heavy and his guts in disarray. He wasn't sure if he was sad or angry. Maybe he was heartbroken. It was too confusing to try and sort out.
He had told himself so many times that it was just a leg, but it never worked. It was deeper than that. It wasn't a birth defect. It was taken from him in a violent, almost fatal action. He could still feel the ground shaking under him. He could still hear gun shots and yelling. He could smell the heat and blood. Those are the things that he didn't tell anyone. He didn't want them to know the details in fear that they would seep into their minds and haunt them as well.
