Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 63

Emma

Today could have been better.

I mean it started out wonderfully. Harry resting between my legs, pushing himself inside me is probably one of my favorite things in the world. He's the perfect gentleman and I've got no idea what I did to deserve him.

Nothing that's what.

Anyway, after the fun we had in the early hours of this morning I yet got another call from Henry, when I was in the shower not less, about where he was proposing and what he needed me to do and that got me. If that wasn't bad enough I then I saw it happen. Henry down on one knee, Lina totally surprised and beside herself before jumping into his arms.

A picture perfect moment.

So that all happened and the rest of the day I've been moody and acting stupid and most of all I hate how I've been treating Harry but I can't help it.

This...getting married, it doesn't work.

I honestly can't think of a couple that has stuck it out till the very end. It's not that I'm not happy for Lina and Henry. They're both so happy and that makes me happy but I just can't get past my own insecurities to see myself in the same position.

Anyway, after a late lunch with the happy couple they swanned off to celebrate by themselves, I think we all know what they are doing, leaving Harry and I in awkward silence in the middle of chilly London.

Right now we're in a taxi going some place, Harry wouldn't tell me and I don't care, I'm too pissed at myself for being such a bitch to him. Not that Harry is completely free from fault but I don't care about that fact either. I'm just worried about the way I've been acting. Just because I'm a scaredy cat about this sort of thing doesn't mean I can take it out on him. It's not him that I'm petrified of, it's the whole constitution of love and marriage.

Of course now that I've acted the way I have I'm nervous to break the ice with him. We haven't really talked to each other since the newly engaged couple left us. He hasn't touched me since the park and he's barely even looked at me during the meal.

He's disappointed in me, I can feel it. And after such a perfect night last night I just can't believe I did this.

But I have to pull on my big girl panties and fix this.

"Harry?" I say to the back of his head. He's either been looking out the window or looking at his phone since we got in the car.

"Yeah Em?" He responds without looking in my direction but he's using my pet name...that's gotta be a good sign.

I hate that he isn't looking at me. I deserve it but I just want to see those big green eyes of his that make me feel better in any situation.

"Harry, please look at me." and without a word he turns and looks right at me, his jaw tight and brows a little furrowed. Shit he's handsome.

"I'm sorry for how I've been acting all day." I wait for his response but non comes.

"I know I say it a lot but I've never been in this kind of situation before and seeing Henry and Lina so happy and doing something so grown up it's..." I sigh, staring down at my fingers as I pick at them. "It's...just this whole thing's scary and everything's changing and I don't do well with change and I let it out on you when you're the last person who deserves it and I get that you're disappointed in me but..." admitting it out loud nearly makes me break down. What is with me and crying all the time these days?

Before I can continue one of his large hands covers both of mine and the other tilts my chin up so I can see him again.

"I'm not disappointed in you. Far from it," he says softly with that wonderful deep voice of his. "I just wish I knew what to say to make you feel better about all this because you know what?" That knowing and sly smirk at me as the question hangs in the air between us.