Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 55

Emma

"So you just cried?" Lina asks and points out at the same time with a very shocked expression across her face. It's been a few days since my meltdown with Harry. I don't even know how to explain it. Once Lina was out the door my body just took over and I broke down.

It's all too big to really explain but it's there.

"Yes Lina I cried. I was on my period so it wasn't all my fault." I know it's a cop out but it's true. Emotions were raging and I just couldn't help myself.

"Emma you can't blame your meltdown on hormones." My best friend jokes. We've been lounging around in her room for a bit now just killing time. This weekend is the big weekend in London. So while Henry makes final preparations for their big moment I was tasked in keeping Lina occupied until we need to get to the train station.

"I know but I just feel so stupid. I can't believe I just cried because you found out about the two of us." It's true. Lina finding out, more so than most people, made the whole thing very very real.

"Well why did it even happen? You've been so good for so long, why now?"

"Because you found out." I say shrugging, hoping she'll just leave it at that.

"Emma it's just me. I'd hope you can trust me by now."

"Course I do. It's just... I don't know? It's hard to explain." I sigh pushing my fingers through my hair. "Like I'm so happy with Harry. I would do just about anything for and with him. Then there are other things that, when I think about it, I just feel like the slightest shift could bring the whole relationship tumbling down and then what would I do? It's like you think someone loves you and then things just fall apart and end up shattered on the floor." I blurt out before I can stop from referencing the incident with my dad. Please don't notice Lina.

"Okay Emma, first of all Harry isn't your dad. He's not going to show up blind drunk one night and physically attack you until you're unconscious and broken." She snaps bluntly.

"I know that Lina and thanks for the visual by the way." I say shuddering even at the thought. "He might not hurt me but losing him would be the hardest thing. Even harder then that night" And it would be. With my dad I had a cure, a place to heal but losing Harry? Well I wouldn't have a hospital bed to just lay in and recuperate in.

"You do know that at this rate you'll be the one to push him away right?"

"Shit Lin, you don't need to be so fucking blunt about it." I say getting off her bed that we've been laying on. I can't believe she would just say that. Although she's true.

"Well I don't know how else to explain it to you."

"Why do you need to explain anything?" I'm being a scared silly nervous brat right now but I can't help it. Yes I'm annoyed with her but I need to figure out how to fix this before we leave. This weekend is supposed to be nice and romantic and most importantly about Lina and Henry, not my problems.

"Because I know you and I know that you'd rather let this unexplainable feeling you have ruin everything you have with him just so you can hurt him before he hurts you even though your stupidity will hurt the both of you."

"I'm not doing that." Yes I am.

Why am I doing this? I'm so happy with what I have with Harry. Yes I didn't want to tell anyone about our relationship at first and I still don't honestly. The more people who know the bigger and more serious it will gets and the more we both have to lose.

"You have to tell him about that night."

"Why?"

"Because it will tear you guys apart if you don't. I can still see how it affects you and I think only good things can come from telling him."