BENJI. (a guide to being normal)

The Spinning Hourglass

"I wouldn't know where to start," Benji said with a defeated shrug. He slumped over and made to sit down before remembering to look where his rump would land. As he had made the mistake before in assuming a chair would catch him when, in fact, Copper had moved it a few deadly inches from its normal spot and, as a result, Benji bruised his tailbone. Sitting down in the chair, Benji propped his feet up on an imaginary footstool and observed his nails.

"Well, type in ' local jobs,' and see where that brings you. Remember how when you stalked Janet's flatmate, Barbra, for me awhile back when I was mad at Fiona?"

"Yeah?"

"Just be that precise and devious and you'll find something sooner or later. Now, I'm going out." Copper went over to Benji and kissed him on the forehead. He ruffled Benji's short, spiky hair and neatened up his collar. "When I get back, you better have found something." Copper walked over to the front door and began stepping out before Benji shouted from the chair,

"And if I don't?"

Copper poked his head inside the house and said in a threatening voice, "Then, I'm not buying you the original Star Wars VHS set off of eBay with the original artwork and slipcase."

Clinching his fists together and gathering himself up in a ball of fury, Benji cursed, "You twat! Fine, I'll find something."

"I'm sure you will, you're smart."

"Now you're being sarcastic," Benji pointed out, standing up from the chair.

"Whatever. Anyway, bye, mate!" Copper gave a wave and latched the door behind him.

Benji plopped back down in the chair with his laptop and sorrowfully listened as Copper's car pulled out of the driveway and zoomed down the road. Closing his eyes, Benji tried to motivate himself to search the internet. With a stiff index finger, he clicked the power button on and waited. He hummed to himself, drummed a space below his knees as if he was playing an invisible Cajon (box drum), and pulled a cap over his head, turning the bill behind his head. When the computer had loaded and the internet page appeared, he got distracted by the game he had been in the middle of. Glancing at the time, he gave himself fifteen minutes to finish the game. But, fifteen minutes was not enough. He played against the anonymous player for three hours. By the time he realised where the time had gone, the front door opened and Copper and Fiona came in.

Remembering why he was in front of the computer in the first place, Benji frantically typed in "job agent, gloustershir-- *backspace, backspace, backspace* gloucestershire, england." He hit the enter button and the first name on the list was "Kris Madison." Not reading the short blurb underneath the link, he chose it and began reading the page. Not much for content, but for appearance.

"Hello, BJ, find anythin'?" Copper asked in a cheery voice as he pulled Fiona close to him. He nuzzled noses with her and exchanged intimate dialogue that had Benji glowing red in the face.

"Yeah, I did," Benji said loudly, breaking the conversation between the two lovers, "I found a girl named Kris Madison. She looks really good."

Copper walked over to the computer screen and looked at it. "Ah, really? Were you looking for an American agent?"

His heart skipped a beat (he wasn't really sure why) and stuttered, "Yeah. Yeah, I was. Something wrong with that?"

"No, but they're different. Their customs, you know. If you want to go through that trouble."

Being the sometimes overly confident prat he was, Benji threw a cavalier hand. "Mate, I know what I'm doin'. It's all good. She shouldn't be a handful."

"All right, at least you're doing somethin'. And she's fit, too."

"Where?"

"The picture there," Copper pointed at a thumbnail of the young woman.

Benji took a harder look at the page before blurting out all-knowingly, "Oh yeah, sorry, yeah, I knew what you meant. Yeah, she's lovely. Really lovey, in fact." Benji leaned in towards the screen and zoomed the phone. Copper joined in the staring session as well. They both 'ooed' and 'ahhhed' at the same time before Fiona delivered a firm whack on Copper's shoulder.

"Ow! Sorry, love. All right, I'm going upstairs with Fiona!"

Scrunching his face up in an impolite childish manner at something disgusting, Benji tucked his chin and looked up at Copper. From the corner of his mouth, he whispered, "Do you have to?"

Copper pursed his lips and dropped his shoulders. "Benji, don't start."

"But you two listen to weird music and read poetry, it's just so," Benji finished the rest of his sentence with a shiver.

"We're just reading, Benji, it's not like she's going to stay over all night. Be nice."

"All right."

"Good. Night-night!"

"Nightie-night, don't let the zombies bite," Benji replied in a monotone voice, much like when he'd tell Copper he loved him. It was more of a routine. Then again, it was the constant reminding that made their friendship stronger. When the couple had shut them off from the downstairs, Benji returned to staring at the photo of a beautiful American woman with long brown hair that fell in waves over her broad shoulders. Her face was pixyish with catlike hazel eyes, a pert nose, and thin lips that drew up in a self-assured smile.

Taking a deep breath, Benji clicked the "send message" button under her name. The hourglass appeared. It spun once. Then spun twice. And then a third time. By the seventeenth time, Benji knew there was no turning back-- partly because there was no cancel button and he couldn't click out of the window in fear of glitching the system. But mostly because he had to take the next step and do something with his downhill life.