Butterfly Keeper // h.s. au

Chapter Forty Nine

He takes in a short breath through his busted lips, his fingers tugging persistently on his bottom of the two. As he exhales, I brace myself for what will come next.

"I was never in the military. I never fought for your country, our country... I fought for myself. That's the best way I could put it to make you understand at the time without actually spilling my sins. War makes transgression okay, right? After it's all over we just cover it up like smoothing dirt over a hole in the earth. It was the best I could do, the best I could manage at the time. And more than I've ever done for anyone else, C. I hope you see that."

He looks me in the eye, and that's how I know it's true. I can almost see the brick pieces from all the walls he built up behind the light jade rings in each eye breaking away and being blown apart by the tsunami of his words. Each brick is a lie, a truth he never told. It's a devastating enlightenment watching each one break away.

"You... You lied to me?" I ask, digging my nails into the handle of the knife, waiting for the answer that I already know.

"I did, I lied to you. The truth would have hurt more than any lie I ever told though."

"Then why did you come to me in the first place? Why didn't you just stay away?" My voice shakes, weakness clear in my tone and every aspect of my trembling body.

"You came to me, Charlotte. Don't act like you forgot." His voice become harsher with words that sting. "You followed me to my house, you wanted to be friends... You made me fall in love, without my permission."

In any other situation I would laugh at that statement and revel in my butterflies, knock my shoulder against his and tell him to kiss me. Not now though, with his unsteady tone and emotion fueled words. It makes me angry and upset, confused with nowhere to turn. And some part of it enlightens me to how crazy that all sounds. I followed him to his house? Indeed, I did. Like a stalker, like an infatuated fool. But that doesn't cover up all he's done in return. In fact, it's not even close.

"Ok, yes, I won't deny that. But you didn't have to keep hanging around after, so it wasn't all my fault.You came to the rescue at that stupid party, you asked me to come meet you at the edge of campus, and you made me fall completely in love with someone I never truly knew!"

I breathe heavily with tears aching to burst from the creases of my scrunched eyes. He makes a shushing noise, like I'm a fragile newborn in need of comfort.

"I know, C, I know. That's the truth. But by time you gave up on me, I was already falling in love with you." He goes to rest his hand on my forearm, but decides against it as his fingers twitch in hesitation before retreating away.

"Then why, Harry? Why did you have to lie?" My voice drops lower as I try to contain my vocal stability in order to speak, "What was so bad, that you had to lie to me about half your identity?"

He flutters his eyes shut and a crease forms between his brows, his whole face contorting in undisguisable sentiment. When his eyes pop back open they're wide and vibrant in the dark hold of this ship, his lips now parted while the words he can't find emit from his mouth in struggling breaths.

"I would have understood, I would have listened to you. But you had to ruin it all, everything that we built together, Harry. You ruined it before it ever begun." I realize, raising a hand to my mouth as I struggle to breathe.

"Charlotte, no- I-"

"You lied because you never cared, it was always a game to you. I'm so- god I'm stupid. I can't believe I ever-"

"No, Charlotte, that's not true-"

"If you were lieing to me this entire time then... You never loved me, did you? You never even thought twice, you told me you loved me to punish me in some sick way and I fell for it-"