Olivia
Waking up the morning of my birthday I really can't believe how crazy this past week has been. It was only just a few days ago I was seconds away from breaking up with Liam, yet here I am giving him another chance. The morning after Liam's colossal meltdown, waking up in Harry's arms felt surprisingly normal. It wasn't weird or uncomfortable. It felt familiar and safe. I didn't mean to break down to him, it just happened. But once I started I couldn't stop. There was something about the way he was begging me to confide in him, telling me that I could lean on him, it's like it flipped the switch for me. He scooped me up in his arms and I couldn't even try to resist his comfort. It was Harry that was there for me in that moment, not Liam. I felt so safe lying in his arms. His soothing voice, strong arms, and comforting scent all added together for the perfect concoction to calm me down. Once the tears stopped he just kept holding me, stroking my hair and as I started to drift to sleep I couldn't help but wonder if it was all worth it. All of the tears and fighting. I love Liam, but in that moment the fight made me realize that he never understood what I was going through or who I was becoming. He never knew what I needed from him. I thought he did after our last fight but clearly he was just telling me what I wanted to hear.
The second I woke up that morning I had all intentions of ending things with Liam, but Harry of all people convinced me to go hear him out. I didn't understand it at first, but then it slowly made more sense. I needed closure. Not that breaking up with Liam would have meant I was automatically going to run into Harry's arms but if I wanted that option sometime in the future, if I ever wanted to be with anyone else, he was right. I couldn't have any regrets, and once Liam explained himself to me, I knew I would've if I hadn't heard him out. He finally understood how I felt. Even though I didn't completely buy his explanation for his behavior he reminded me of how dishonest I've been with him. I've not only been hiding everything with Harry, but I didn't even tell him I was having doubts about what I wanted to do once I got back to London. I didn't think it was a big thing and I was planning on telling him once I made up my mind. But that's what I always seem to do, and what Liam has been trying to tell me for too long now. I kept complaining that he was the one that wasn't listening when I wasn't either. But this time is different. When he apologized I could tell he truly meant it and how real it was to him. I think this time we both realize that this is our last chance, that this is his last chance to fix things. Now he finally gets me, how I am now. He sees how unhappy I have been and he's so willing to do everything he can to change. I couldn't give up on him now when he finally gets it. I could've given up on the guy I saw calling my best friend a slut and knocking Niall to the ground. But that wasn't the guy standing in front of me, and from what I can tell that guy isn't going to be making any appearances anytime soon. If I was really going to have no regrets I have to give Liam one last shot.
After that, I do my best to really make an effort and so does Liam. Although things have been strained we're talking more than we have in the past few months. He's slowly trying to make amends with everyone. It's going better with some people than others. He was able to get back into good graces with Louis, but then again Louis was the one dealing with him during the meltdown. It'd be hard for them to not talk after that. Whenever Liam goes nuclear it always seems that Louis is the one that can get a handle on him. I'm so grateful to him for that. Everyone else seems to be ok, besides Niall and Lexie. Understandably so, they are still trying to get over everything. It just makes it that much harder on me. Lexie is my best friend and Niall is one of my favorite people in the world. I hated how distant they've been this past week. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. I get why they're mad, but it almost feels as if I'm choosing Liam over them which makes me feel stupid. I'm that girl choosing her boyfriend over her friends. But I made the conscious decision to give Liam another shot and that means focusing my energy on him for a while. They get it, or I hope they do at least. I'm just praying that Liam somehow finds a way to get back into their good graces soon. I don't like this division between us. I just hope things get easier since today is my birthday. I've needed some of Niall's humor and Lexie's sarcastic wit lately. I've just needed some friends that I could lean on more like it. I've tried to fill in the void but it seems like every time I try, it only backfires on me.
