Forgetting Love (Dublin Sisters #2.5)

Chapter 21

And seek forgiveness of Allah . Indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful [4:106]

And whoever does a wrong or wrongs himself but then seeks forgiveness of Allah will find Allah Forgiving and Merciful [4:110]

On wobbly legs, he stood and took hold of the Quran from the bookshelf in the living room. As he opened it, tears fell on the paper as remembrance came back. It was Samreen who encouraged him to recite as he had never bothered to recite after he completed his Quran recitation as a young boy. But after their marriage, Samreen had been adamant to help him strengthen his Emaan (faith). She would sit with him for half an hour daily and together they completed the recitation of the Quran. Then she had started reading out loud the meaning of the surahs (chapters) one by one and he was intrigued by it eventually making him steadfast in his religious duties that he was a five times praying Muslim until ... until...

Another tear trickled down his nose.

She had been his strength. His supporting pillar. She had aided him become a better human being and even more importantly a devoted Muslim but what did he do in return.

An emotional lump was forming in his throat and his Adam's apple moved vigorously as he tried to swallow it.

He was going to work hard to please his Lord and then his wife.

He would bring her back where her rightful place was. Beside him.

****

The first two days were torture. Immense agony. His body had been used to the excess masturbation and being in an arousing state. He was fighting a struggling battle. The two days he had taken days off so he that he could recover himself, these days were not going as he planned. He was working hard to go to masjid for every prayer. But it wasn't easy at all.

His body was in a cold sweat, his heart hammering powerfully under his ribs. His aroused state crying out loud for its release. He was trembling. To distract himself, he had avoided going back home instead staying near the masjid area. But his body wasn't ready to accept this sudden change at all. To soothe himself, he had delved in an old habit of his – smoking. The cigarette had eased the nerves for a while but it was a momentarily distraction.

During the second night, he had woken up in sweat and breathing heavily. His aroused state unable to be ignored or denied. Grabbing his phone with quivering hands he had clicked on the video and did the inevitable.

But later, when it was all over. He felt miserable. Regretful. Remorseful.

Why couldn't he stop himself?

Why was he easily going back to it?

His hands fisted on his sides as he lay on his back and shut his eyes in guilt.

At that moment, he hated himself so much.

****

"Mommy I wanna talk to Daddy," Liyaanah whined the umpteenth time.

"He is busy at work," Samreen answered methodically and her face without any trace of emotion. For the last 48 hours, Liyaanah had become very intolerable to manage. She hadn't forgotten that she didn't say good bye to her daddy and every few hours she asked her mother to speak to him.

"You are bad Mommy. I want Daddy." Liyaanah's lips quivered and tears welled up in her large brown eyes that were so much like Faraz's.

Sighing, Samreen set aside the plastic bowl from which she was feeding mashed rice to Salim. "Sweetie, daddy will call when he is free." Samreen tried to stay calm.

"You say this all the time." Liyaanah's tears eased down her cheeks.

Just then Aileen walked into the kitchen and smiled pleasingly at Liyaanah, "Who wants to watch Frozen on DVD?"